


Bootylicious Bertholdt

by TasteyWatermelonandJean25



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, F/F, F/M, Feels, Fluff and Smut, Homophobic Language, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Stupidity, Teenage Drama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2015-03-15
Packaged: 2018-02-08 02:29:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1923330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TasteyWatermelonandJean25/pseuds/TasteyWatermelonandJean25
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story. The story that is forever ingrained in your mind. You may be stunned. You may even react with disgust.<br/>But wait.<br/>Stop.<br/>Don't think.<br/>Don't speculate.<br/>There is only one thing that matters. That's right. I'm going there. I'm so going there. So far in there that it's..well you know what I mean. I'm talking about the shapely ass of Bertholdt.<br/>-Reiner Braun</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Infatuation

**Author's Note:**

> A first person point of view about Reiner's angst and shameless obsession with Bertholdt.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We begin with a nice short prologue of how Reiner and Bertholdt met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reiner's unconditional love for Bertholdt echoes my personal life to a certain degree. I hope all who read this story can relate to the harsh reality of unrequited love. Will Reiner earn Bertholdt's love, or will it push him away? We may never know..

That ass. That sweet ass. I watch the majestic man sitting in front of me in health class. He wears a v neck short sleeved shirt accentuating his chest and arm muscles. I notice the the converse sneakers and horn-rimmed glasses he sports. Usually, he wears contacts yet today he decided not to. The naturally tan skin that turns into a light sweet caramel during the winter time. The slick jet black hair, the unusually long nose, the kind dark chocolate eyes always make my heart swoon. But most of all, I notice his ass. No matter what pants he wears, his ass looks amazing.

Whether it's his football uniform wrapped tightly around his whole body, his leg muscles when he swims the butterfly every swim meet, or maybe I get turned on every time he runs around during the men's lacrosse meets. Mr. Handsome is over 6 feet tall and muscular all over. But it's not only his looks that make your heart swoon. He has the most bashful personality ever, the man avoids talking. He always gives that awkward crooked smile and he always attempts to avoid attention. But when he does speak, oh god I get the worst boner ever. His voice is a nice blend of soprano and alto. He sounds so shy and awkward when he speaks. Overly polite and easily scared, he's the man for me. I don't know all these things because I'm some creepy stalker. Well I sort of am, but that's besides the point. His name is Bertholdt and we have been best friends for as long as I can remember.

I first met him when we were young. My father always worked overseas, giving my mother plenty of time to do what she wanted. She made many friends naturally with her blue eyes and blonde hair. Like mother like son in this case, I take after her in nearly every aspect. I only see my father two times a year, he's too busy doing what he wants. I doubt he even remembers my birthday at times. Anyway, my mother being the out going woman she is, she was head of a book club with several other people. There, she made quick friends with Mrs. Fubar, Bertholdt's mother and a widower. Mrs. Fubar visited a lot because of my mom's constant demands for a social life besides being stuck with me. Of course, Mrs. Fubar decided to bring along her son one day. My mother thought it was the best idea, naturally.

The minute I first gazed my eyes upon Bertholdt, I fell madly in love with him. I know, it's extremely cliche and I was never a big supporter of 'love at first sight.' So let me tell you how it feels when you fall in love with someone at first sight. They walk in the door, and their presence is overwhelming. Kind of like the bright sun on a warm summer day, but it's more of a feeling or vibe. It doesn't matter if they're next to you or on the opposite side of the room. The fact is, you can't seem to separate yourself from them. It's more than the typical horny attraction when you see a strange walk past you on the street. You're attracted to them like you can't believe, in an emotional sense as well. This feeling of love and protection overwhelms you. Your mind starts thinking crazy things. All of a sudden you feel the urge to do anything for this person. You'd jump out of window if they told you to. You notice their every move and that person becomes the first priority in your life. Once you realize this, the power of passion nearly knocks you to your knees. You're suddenly gasping, not knowing what the hell just happened to you. If you're me, your head spins and your thoughts collide like unstable electrons. Then the person notices you staring like some creeper and they tentatively beckon you by your name. Once they say your name, you know it's over. Because you feel the sweet glory and tenderness as that beautiful voice from the angel standing before you dares utter your name.

While this was all going on, my mother tugged on my arm asking if I was okay. I smiled eagerly and grabbed Bertholdt's arm in a moment of false bravado. I was always like that, acting all masculine and outgoing. Mrs. Fubar smiled and gracefully ran her fingers through Bertholdt's hair. I looked up and stared at the beautiful woman who resembled Bertholdt so much. Leaving our mothers alone to discuss things like work and Oprah, I remember dragging Bertholdt upstairs to my room. I did most of the talking, excitement ebbing through my entire little body.

Bertholdt enjoyed to just sit in silence and listen, his quietness making me adore him even more. We talked about everything, from cars to comic books to school work. From then on, Bertholdt visited often. I learned that Bertholdt tended to be extremely passive, his awkward tallness making him a target for bullies.

So we grew up through school together, sticking by each other's side no matter what. Bertholdt didn't always agree with my ideas, but he always remained loyal. Dodging bullies, me bull shitting on school work, sports, and the daily drama of being teenagers.

It's senior year now, and Bertholdt and I are at the top of our game. I tend to get average grades, but I excel in sports. Bertholdt, well he's good at everything. He even paints when he's in the mood. That's us, we were one unit always working together. I was the talker and Bertholdt was the puncher. The girls took a liking to us as we started to overcome that awkward puberty phase. Poor Bertholdt used to struggle with acne whereas it seemed I turned into a bull over night.

So here we are, in the midst of high school. Believe it or not, we stuck together even closer than ever. We applied to the same colleges, but we were doomed to separate because of Bertholdt's SAT scores and my football scholarship.

Bertholdt always gave everyone the impression he needed me because of his lack of a father figure. But in reality, I need him more than he or anyone knows. He's the center of my being, the person I go to when I'm upset, the person who listens, the person whose very being lights up my day. Every time I see him, the world melts away. And suddenly, nothing matters anymore. Because he's there. Because every time I'm near him, the pain just ebbs away. He reminds me why life is important. Why it's important to keep going. I wouldn't be alive right now if it weren't for him. In a few months, I'll lose him to the vast life of the unknown. I'll lose him, my sweet Bertholdt to a destiny without me.

I never knew how Bertholdt felt about me. Well he views me as his best friend, but I doubt he'll ever love me the way I love him. I remember sophomore year when he was insanely infatuated with Annie Leonhardt. It hurt, knowing the strong possibility that Bertholdt is heterosexual. But I supported him nonetheless, and by support, I mean by teasing him constantly. Annie never returned his affections, she always looked at him like he was some annoying mosquito. It irritated me knowing that the one person my sweet Bertholdt cared about, couldn't give a shit. I never told Bertholdt how I felt, I never wanted to burden him. Being his friend was always good enough for him. So I forced myself to believe it was good enough for me.

* * *

 

"Mr. Braun. Mr. Braun. Reiner Braun!"

My ears perk up as I lift my head from the desk. The teacher is standing there staring down at me, irritation written all over her face. "I would appreciate it very much if you pay more attention in class, Mr. Braun. I will not hesitate to call your mother if you continue sleeping. Just because you're a senior doesn't mean it is time to slack off." The teacher launches into a long lecture about the importance of avoiding 'senioritis' wasting class time and everyone's patience. From the corner of my eye, I notice Eren giving me a thumbs up whereas Ymir scowls in irritation. I shrug unhelpfully, honestly not giving a shit. I don't know what's worse, the fact it's earlier October, or the fact Bertholdt isn't in my class.

My thoughts drift towards the sweet man. I imagine what he's doing, sitting there in AP Chemistry taking a million notes. I chuckle at the thought of him sweating profusely doing a lab procedure. What I don't realize, is that I'm laughing out loud during the teacher's lecture. She scowls, already whipping out the detention pad. Well, this sucks. I look around and notice other kids sitting there asleep. Why couldn't she pick on them instead?

The bell rings, and I dart out of the class room before she even has time to hand me a detention slip. I know where I'm heading. I head straight for Bertholdt's locker. We have second block together, physical ed. I stand there impatiently, obvious excitement on my face. From the horizon, Bertholdt walks up, his face in deep thought.

"H'mm..these equations just don't match up.."

"Hey Berty!" I wrap my arm around his head, messing with his hair using my other arm.

"R-Reiner that hurts my back! And you know I don't like nicknames.."

"You're thinking too hard, one day you head's going to explode."

"Well..you should take your school work more seriously..I can't tutor you constantly.."

"You visit all the time anyways. Seriously, my mom doesn't mind. She loves you like you're another son."

Bertholdt stares at the ground in a vain attempt to not look at me in the eye. He looks up, and I notice his eyes are a beautiful light topaz color today. "What?" He asks, obviously confused by my staring.

"Your eyes are beautiful..."

"W-what!?"

"Oh er I mean..what are you, a vampire from Twilight or something?"

We both stare and burst out laughing over the corny vampire saga.

"We should go, we can't be late."

Eagerness takes over, I realize I get to sneak a peek at Bertholdt changing into his gym clothes. I'm so pathetic at times, but you can't let go of these opportunities. Ymir walks up to us, an amused look on her face. "You go ahead, giraffe. I have to talk to blondie about something." Her authoritative tone works wonders on Bertholdt, he immediately walks off.

"What was that for!?"

"Fess up already. You're pissing me off already."

"The hell you're talking about?" I mutter.

"The obvious fact you're in love with Melman the giraffe. Just fess up, tell him how you feel."

"My feelings are none of your business. You have a girlfriend, mind your damn business."

"It's my damn business since everyone in the group besides Bertholdt can tell how you feel about him."

"In case you haven't noticed, Bertholdt crushed on Annie. I doubt he wants a romantic relationship with me."

"Maybe he's bisexual..or pansexual..you never know. There's many possibilities. Look at Jean and Marco." Ymir raises her eyebrow, a smug look on her face.

I run my finger through my hair remembering Jean and Marco. Those two idiots were obvious homo for each other. Marco had his eye on Jean for sometime but was always too damn polite to say anything. Jean felt the same way, but he felt too compelled to play the heterosexual act in order to avoid bullying. Eventually, the two of them confessed their feelings for each other. It seemed the whole school expected it, there wasn't much shock when they arrived at Junior Prom together.

I shake my head at Jean's antics. "That's..different..they both have mutual feelings for each other..."

"How is it different? Every minute of the day, you and giraffe-"

"His name is Bertholdt."

"What ever. You're always together. Think about it because soon, you'll both be going to different colleges. You don't have much time."

"Maybe I want him to be happy. Even if it's without me. I don't want to burden him with my feelings."

Ymir is already walking away from me. "Just think about it."

I arrive at gym and notice to my relief, a substitute standing there. I guess today isn't so bad after all. I immediately sit right next to Bertholdt, who is already sitting there studying.

"What took you so long?" He whispers urgently, worry apparent in his eyes.

I shake my head. "Ymir's just having a bad day."

Bertholdt can tell I'm lying, but he nods and continues doing his AP Chem homework.

"Come on Bert. Let's do something fun."

"We can't do anything else but stay on the bleachers. Reiner, I need to study. I have a test tomorrow."

"Can I watch?"

He sighs and shakes his head. But I notice a small smile on his face. Every time he smiles, a warm happy feeling goes through my whole body. I sit there and watch him work. He scrunches his face when he's confused, a light blush upon his face. Then he chews his pencil and his eye color darkens. The usual running the hand through the hair starts before he sighs and closes the book.

"I can't concentrate when you stare at me..."

"But you said I could watch!"

"For a big man, you can be childish." His voice sounds scolding, but we both know he's only teasing me.

"Can I at least help?"

Bertholdt stares. "Reiner..you're not in my class.." His nice way of saying I'm a complete dumbass.

I look around the gymnasium and notice Connie and Sasha from another gym class playing volleyball. Connie gets smacked in the face and I make sure to stand up and laugh so loud everyone hears. It works, Connie gives me the finger while he sheepishly smiles at Sasha. Sasha laughs at him, of course.

"Why don't you join them.."

I look up and see Bertholdt, gently encouraging me. "What about you?"

Bertholdt stares at me crooked until I realize my stupidity. That's what A.D.D. does to you. I take medication, and it's improved greatly. But that doesn't change the fact I have the attention span of a fucking goldfish. He's a saint, always so patient towards me. I really don't deserve someone like him.

"Fine, fine I'll leave you alone. But I will be back." I wink my eye and run off to taunt Connie and high five Sasha. I look over and see Bertholdt already back to writing. He smiles in pleasant relief as he starts flipping through some pages. My staring causes Bertholdt to look at me. He blushes and starts to sweat. This happens every time I stare. Sometimes, I stare on purpose just so I can see that reaction. I should probably stop being so sadistic towards him. I've been doing it more often. Sure we're Facebook friends and we text often, but technology doesn't matter when it comes to seeing someone in person. Especially when that someone is the love of your life. I need to remember that face, have it permanently stuck in my memory when I go to college.

 _"You don't have much time.."_ Ymir's voice echoes through my head constantly as I walk towards Connie and Sasha. Every time I score, I notice Bertholdt looking at me from across the gym. How the hell am I going to survive college without him. I force myself to think of something else before the fear of Bertholdt falling for someone else in college enters my mind.

 

* * *

 

"You're full of shit, Reiner!"

"You're just pissed off that you kept getting smacked in the face, avatar."

Connie's face lit up and he stared annoyed. Connie hates when he's called avatar. "No, I'm being targeted, I swear!"

"It is called volleyball you know..right Bertholdt?"

Bertholdt looks up from a book he's reading. I snatch the book he's reading. "Bertholdt...you need to take a break."

"I'm getting to a good part of the novel.."

"You're avoiding the lunch line is what you're doing."

He blushes and looks away. He does this whenever I'm right, which is quite often. Ymir looks at us and makes a face towards me. 'Hurry up.' She mouths. Before I have time time to say something, Ymir's girlfriend walks up. Christa, her real name is Historia, walks up and kisses Ymir unashamed. I look away, jealous of their open relationship. But then I notice Jean and Marco holding hands from under the table. Life can really suck sometimes.

"Reiner, are you okay?"

"What?"

"You have that pissed off look on your face again." Bertholdt replies, concern in his eyes.

I shake my head and take his hand. "Everything is fine..I'm just thinking about things."

"Like what?"

 _I'm thinking about how amazing and sexy you are. But I'm also lamenting about the fact I will never be able to have you._ Those thoughts echoe in my head. Of course I would never say that. I run my fingers through my hair and laugh. "Bertholdt, let me teach you how to pick up women. They always like the tall handsome ones."

"E-eh!? Reiner!"

My false happiness works like always, Bertholdt lights up like a Christmas tree and everyone erupts into laughter.

"It's okay Bertholdt. Someday, Reiner will stop being an ass and learn to wise up." Ymir chimes in, giving me a smirk.

For the first time in ten minutes, Marco looks away from Jean and smiles blushing. "I am curious, do you like anyone, Bertholdt?"

I think that did it. Bertholdt's face is so red he's speechless. He starts sputtering and attempting to speak coherently. I sit and watch the scene before me as everyone snickers and Marco apologizes repeatedly. But one thing's clear, Bertholdt likes someone. But who? Is it still Annie?

"Calm down, Bert. We're just trying to figure out who the hot babe is." My well thought out sentence of the day. _Reiner, you're pathetic._

"Babe-b-babe..." He literally looks like he's about to pass out. Connie clumsily hands Bertholdt a water bottle before turning to Sasha.

Sasha giggles the entire time. "Hey, you want to make out?" She winks at Connie and walks off suddenly, stealing his bag of potato chips.

Connie playfully calls out at her. "I hate when you steal my food!" He runs after, a little too eager.

"He's just happy he's getting some." Eren mutters before turning to ask Armin a question.

Armin is sighing, ignoring everyone as he helps tutor Eren for the millionth time.

"Where's Mikasa?" Christa's question made everyone look up in curiosity. We all realize for the first time that Mikasa isn't sitting with us. We all turn to Eren.

"Oh she's just training for practice after school." Eren lazily answers before stealing Connie's sand which. "Damn I'm hungry.." He mutters between bites.

I look over at my tan friend. Bertholdt is sitting there with his face in his hands, elbows on the table, and covered in sweat. I unconsciously lick my lips imagining the taste of his sweat against my tongue before I stop myself.  _You idiot. This is your friend here and all you think about is fucking him. What the hell? No you're really pathetic. You've liked him for how long and you can't even tell him. Well why would you? Even if Bertholdt liked men, he wouldn't like you._

The usual negative thoughts cloud my judgement before I wave them away. Connie and Sasha return, but it's obvious they were chewing each other's faces off. Sasha's hair is all askew whereas Connie has bite marks all over his face. Not to mention the obvious kiss marks on his neck.

The bell rings and Eren is the first to leave before anyone else. We all walk off snickering as Connie curses about sand which's mysterious disappearance. I can't say the rest of my day is that interesting besides me daydreaming my way to the final bell.

 

* * *

 

That night, I lay in bed and close my eyes, trying to sleep.

" _R-Reiner stop!"_

_"But you said you wanted me to cum."_

_"Ohh I do. R-Reiner that feels so good. Please...more.."_

_I reach for Bertholdt's cock and start sucking on it. His moans evaporate into the air, one after another. I keep at it, enjoying the pleasure I'm giving him._

_"Get on your stomach."_

_Bertholdt obeys and I get on top. "You know, Bertholdt. I'm all about shoving things up the ass. Let's see what fits in yours..."_

 

* * *

 

**BEEP! BEEP!!**

My eyes open and I stare at the alarm clock. "W-what..." Dream Bertholdt's moans echo in my ears as I wipe the sweat off my face.

"REINER! TIME FOR BREAKFAST! YOU WANT TO BE LATE TO SCHOOL OR NOT!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE DRIVING BERTHOLDT TO SCHOOL!" My mom is standing at the bottom of the stairs, shouting at the top of her lungs.

I run out of my room, excitement about seeing Bertholdt quickly replacing my fatigue.

"Reiner, why are you covered in sweat!?"

My face lights up and I run past her to eat some breakfast. I guess I can't complain, at least in my dreams I can have Bertholdt. I hurry quickly to my car, it's my turn to pick up Bertholdt for school today.

I park in front of his house, letting the rock station on my radio blast Papa Roach. I'm always waiting and I always will. Waiting for the romance that will never happen. Bertholdt runs down his front steps, his hair all over the place. As he approaches, I think to myself.

_Life isn't so bad after all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First chapter complete-ish(?) If anyone could teach me how to save work as a draft, it would be most appreciated. Thanks for reading!


	2. Disorientation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rhino decides to teach the giraffe, with drastic consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Best not to query what possessed me to write this particular chapter.

Bertholdt drives by and parks his car, a confused look apparent on his face. Today's Saturday and my mom's out and about. Doing errands and whatever she does. She's always running around, buying groceries or part of some club. I think she's at the book club today, but I'm not really sure. More importantly, what matters to me is the beautiful man walking up the lawn to my front door. I would know, I stood at the door waiting, not moving an inch until I heard him timidly knocking.

"Reiner!"

"Bertholdt!"

"......How long have you been standing there?..."

"Don't look at me like that! I have a great idea!"

"That's why I'm scared, Reiner!"

I have no time for Bertholdt's usual hesitation as I drag him into my living room. "We're going upstairs right now!" Before Bertholdt can protest or run back to the safety of his car, I'm already in the process of dragging him up the stairs. Bertholdt may be taller, but I'm definitely a lot stronger, and more forceful. I look back and see one word to describe Bertholdt's current mental state. Dread.

"Can you please tell me what's going on!?"

"We're almost there! Here's my room!"

"Why are you so excited?"

"You'll see! You'll see!"

We both stumble into my room, both of us falling over to the ground. Bertholdt tries to give me an angry look but we're so flustered and shocked that we start laughing.

"Your nose is so big, Bert!"

"Like you're the one to talk. And you know I hate nicknames!"

"Alright..."

Laying here on the ground staring into the eyes of the beautiful man beside me is one of the best things ever. But I have other plans and we can't afford to waste time. My mom's still away with her book club and we need to do this before she even drives up the stupid driveway.

"Get up, we can't waste time."

"Reiner, can you please tell me what's going on?" Bertholdt is sounding impatient now. But he gets up anyway, his natural politeness overcoming his growing irritation with my shenanigans. "Now what?"

I stand up and stride over like the macho man I am. "Now the fun begins." I go over to my stereo and the song 'The Bad Touch' by the Bloodhound Gang blasts through my whole room.

 

_Sweat Baby, Sweat Baby_

_Sex is a Texas Drought_

_Me and you do the kind of stuff_

 

Bertholdt's sweating all over and he stares at me incredulous. "What the hell is all of this about?!" He's wiping his face with his hand and starts to nervously fan himself with a piece of random paper. Probably homework I forgot to do again.

"Just listen and feel the music!" I stare at him, obvious frustration as I throw my hands in the air. But it's only just begun, and I'm not giving up yet.

 

_So put your hands down my pants_

_And I bet you'll feel nuts_

 

Before the chorus part of the song begins, I run out of the room like a mad man. Bertholdt stares after me giving me a fearful look. "Reiner, I would appreciate it if you stopped with the riddles and just told me what you're up to!" I ignore his echoing voice and quickly change my clothes. Aha! Found them, I can't believe I almost lost them. I change into short ass booty shorts and a white T-shirt with tye dye all over it. On the back is a hastily written note taped to the shirt with bold letters: "BERT DO DA TWERK." I walk over slowly, making sure Bertholdt hears my deliberately slow footsteps. He does and I can sense his agitation.

"Reiner, for one minute can you just listen to me- OH MY GOD! WHAT ARE YOU WEARING!? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND!?" Bertholdt's face is again, priceless. He's the perfect imitation of the painting called 'The Scream' when he sees the outfit I'm wearing.

I have no time to explain, the chorus of the song is beginning again. As the lyrics play, my legs are wide apart, my hands are on my knees and I'm twerking like you can't believe. Bertholdt looks like he's about to faint, he sputters, too astonished to even scold me for my strange behavior.

 

_You and me baby_

_Ain't nothing but mammals_

_So let's do it like they do it_

_On discovery channel_

_Do it again now_

 

"Come on Bertholdt! Join in before the song ends!"

"I most certainty am not! This is what you called me for!? This is what you're frantic about!?"

"Become one with the music, I'm teaching you how to flirt!"

"This isn't flirting! I didn't wake up to see you dressed in God knows what and moving your-"

"Your what?"

"You know what I mean!"

"Then say it!"

"YOUR BIG ASS!"

The music ends and switches to an even raunchier song. But we both ignore Adam Lambert's voice and stare at each other. Bertholdt has a crazed look on his face, but he's more shocked about the fact he cursed. Don't get me wrong, Bert does curse but not often. And he never cursed at me before, ever, until today. A slow smirk enters my face as I take in the sexy view in front of me. Bertholdt is too oblivious by my erratic actions to realize the picture he's displaying for me.

He's laying there, all of his limbs sprawled out on my bed. His black jean shorts only go down to his knees, giving me a nice view of those leg muscles. His blue and white plaid shirt is unbuttoned, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. I'm always sure to sneak a peek at the slight chest hair and muscles. My eyes trail over to his sexy ass. Round and perfect as always, I close my eyes and wait for the best part. A light flush upon his cheeks, his mouth quivers as he nervously licks his lips. I blink my eyes. Wait, rewind. He's licked his lips, oh yes. His black is messy again, part of it slicked back, his bangs gracefully framing his face.

Sharply sucking in my breath, I stare into his eyes. His soulful, beautiful, sad eyes stare back at me. I hear him faintly asking me questions like 'Why are you staring? Is there something wrong on my face? Reiner, please tell me!" I suddenly jump onto the bed, my hands gripping his arms, pinning him onto the bed.

"R-Reiner, what has gotten into you!? Please stop!" He's pleading now, and that only turns me on even more. Damn you, for being so attractive. Damn the fact you like someone else. Damn the fact that you're probably better off with someone else than me. Damn the fact you were always so nice to me all these years when I was nothing but trouble. Bertholdt, I wish you could read my mind. See how much I'm hurting and how my heart aches every time I see attractive people at school flirt with you. Bertholdt, if you could read my mind, you can reject me and be done with it. Then I could spare myself the embarrassment of telling you how much I've loved you faithfully all these years.

My thoughts are interrupted when we hear a car door slam outside. I run to the window in panic, only to realize it's just the neighbor across the street. Unintentionally, we both breathe a sigh of relief.

"If there's something wrong, you can tell me. We're best friends." His voice is different now, not angry, only comforting. This drives another spear through my heart, he should stay mad at me. I ignore him and stand at the windowsill, my back to him, staring at my feet so he can't see my facial expression.

"Bertholdt..."

"Yes?"

"It's time for you to learn how to shake that ass."

"Not this again-"

I grab Bertholdt's hands and force him to stand. "Please..it's just the two of us. At least do it for me." I give him my best puppy eyes, and they work wonders on Bertholdt. He sighs in defeat and slowly walks backwards away from me. Seeming eager to learn, I let him stand.

"Okay you just have to follow my lead. Let the music flow through you. Don't let embarrassment or self consciousness get in the way. Just let it go! Let it go like-"

Bertholdt groans, "I can't believe I'm doing this, and you were watching Frozen again."

I roll my eyes and continue. Only Bertholdt knows and understands my strange obsession with Disney movies. He doesn't judge or make fun of me, but he does stare at me crooked whenever I get excited and start singing along. The song 'Wiggle' by Jason Derulo starts and Bertholdt places his hand over his face.

"NOW IS THE TIME FOR US TO GET DOWN!"

"Please tell me you did not just seriously say that.."

We're both standing in my room now as we both awkwardly start thrusting. Bertholdt has no idea what the hell he's doing, he's just all limbs. He starts to flail his arms around, sweating profusely. I start to shake my ass like no one's business and grab Bertholdt's hands. He looks at me in confusion as we start spinning in a circle in the middle of my room. Bertholdt is covered head to toe in sweat now, he rips off his shirt exposing his sweet amazing abs. I stare and greedily run my hand down his six pack.

"Reiner!"

"It's the music I swear!"

 

_You know what to do with that big fat butt!_

_Wiggle Wiggle_

 

My body takes on a mind of its own. I'm shaking my ass really hard, I'm holding my arms over head in an attempt to keep from accidentally hitting Bertholdt. Bertholdt starts doing sexy Latin dances, not afraid to roll his abs and show off his killer shoulder muscles. We continue dancing until I start dirty dancing. It's Jason Derulo for crying out loud. The whole song is singing about the ass. The ass is an ultimate sex appeal. I mean, people always talk about 'Da Booty' or 'Dat Ass.' Bertholdt's the best case, obviously, I mean look at him. You can't help but stare at his ass. Even Connie looks and he's oblivious. Trust me, when Bertholdt walks by, first you see the back muscles, then you see the ass. And be damned that you don't want to think about slapping that ass of his.

"YES! THE MUSIC IS GIVING VIBRATION, BERT!"

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE BLASTING THE VOLUME!"

"FEEL THE ENERGY. FEEL THE POWER OF IT FLOWING THROUGH YOUR SOUL! BERTHOLDT YOU GOTTA WORK IT!"

"MY ARMS HURT!"

"TOO BAD! YOU GOTTA SHAKE THAT ASS! YOU GOTTA GO WITH THE FLOW! YOU GOTTA LET THE MUSIC ROCK YOUR BODY!"

"WHAT!?"

"YOU GOTTA BREAK THE ASS! YOU GOTTA WAVE IT AROUND AND KNOW PEOPLE WANT YOUR ASS'S SHAPELY SHAPES!"

"YOU'RE MAKING NO SENSE, REINER!"

By now, I'm all out. You would think I'm possessed by some demonic entity either that or I'm doing the Harlem Shake in all the wrong ways. I'm winding my arms, I'm twerking like hell, and I'm covered in sweat as well.

"COME ON! BREAK IT DOWN! FEEL THE POWER! FEEL THE POWER OF THE ASS!"

"REINER!"

"I CAN'T TAKE IT! BERTHOLDT YOU NEED TO SLAP MY ASS."

"WHY!?"

"BECAUSE IT FEELS RIGHT. JUST DO IT, I NEED THE FULL THRUSTING POWER!"

"BUT IT'S WRONG, REINER!"

"BUT OH SO RIGHT! COME ON, YOU GOTTA DO IT!" I momentarily stop to shake Bertholdt until he agrees.

Bertholdt timidly slaps my ass, but I yell at him to do it again. So he does. I'm twerking and Bertholdt is doing sexy hip rolls while slapping my ass.

"EVERYTHING IS ALL ABOUT THE SHAPELY ASS! SHAKE THAT ASS, BABY! SO HELP MY PENIS!"

"YOUR WHAT!?"

"I'M TALKING ABOUT MY WET, SLIPPERY, PENIS-"

"REINER BRAUN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?"

Both Bertholdt and I turn around to see my mom standing there with the entire fucking book club standing behind her. The music keeps playing and I throw my remote at it so it stops. Among the book club is Mrs. Fubar who looks just like Bertholdt, stunned and shaken.

"Merciful heavens, they're gay..." I hear someone mutter that from the back of the group. As everyone else walks downstairs, Bertholdt gets up and leaves with his mom. My mom corners me, fury all over her face.

"YOU ARE GOING TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT THIS MOMENT OR SO HELP ME GOD." Her face is red as she struggles to sound calm as she stands, arms crossed.

"I was teaching Bertholdt how to pick up women!"

"By what!? Making him dance like a stripper!? Reiner after all of the stunts you've pulled, this is the worst yet! I welcome my book club and I swear the ceiling was FUCKING SHAKING. We hear disgusting lyrics about ' Big Booty planets' and I open the door to see the two of you gyrating like you're in a badly done porno video! I am embarrassed, my book club will never want to visit! And I know this is your idea, Bertholdt is a good kid! And you have to get him in trouble, I'm surprised Mrs. Fubar still allows him to visit you!"

"Mom, calm down-"

"DON'T TELL ME WHEN TO CALM DOWN. THIS IS THE LAST STRAW! GIVE ME YOUR LAPTOP, YOUR CELL PHONE, YOU AND BERTHOLDT AREN'T HANGING OUT FOR TWO WEEKS! YOU'RE LUCKY YOU'RE IN THE SAME SCHOOL TOGETHER!"

I groan and hand over my possessions, feeling bad about ruining my mom's reputation, but more pissed about not being able to see Bertholdt. I wonder what's going on with him as I sit in my room that night.

 

* * *

 Bertholdt

* * *

 

My mother drives the both of us to the grocery store in silence. I apologize repeatedly but she says nothing. Her silence worries me, and I try to help her the best I can. After shopping is done in awkward silence, we drive home staring at anything but each other.

"Mom..I'm sorry..."

"I know you're sorry, but you knew better than to go along with his crazy schemes."

I hang my head low for a period of time, twiddling my fingers. My ears perk up as she starts speaking to me again.

"I've made a decision, Bertholdt."

"H'mmm?"

"I think it's best that you continue the rest of your senior year without Reiner."

"W-what!? Why!?" I stop, surprised at how rude I sound. I'm never this way towards my own mother.

"Because that boy has always gotten you into trouble. For years I let you hang out because I knew how happy you were. I'm not making you switch schools in your Senior year, never that would ruin your education and everything else. But I've contacted my sister and her husband, and I've decided it's best that we spend time with them until you begin college. Don't worry you can still contact your friends via technology."

I stare dumbstruck, my aunt and uncle don't live far away. They live in another town which means school is an hour away. And worse off, I won't be able to see Reiner as much as I used to. I make feeble excuses, but my mother remains adamant. After helping her get the groceries settled into the house, I lay upstairs in my room thinking how the heck I'm going to break it to Reiner. He'll be so upset and I'll feel so bad. I have no choice, I have to avoid Reiner for a while, hopefully he'll move on and hang out with other people.

Somehow, this sounds unlikely. I ponder sending a text or Facebook message, but Reiner's mother probably took all of his electronics. I lay in bed and try to fall asleep, but I'm too restless. Sighing, I realize Senior year will be so much more strenuous than I thought.

Reiner...I'm sorry.


	3. Forlorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My heart's falling to pieces..  
> And there's nothing I can do about it.
> 
> -Reiner Braun
> 
> ~This chapter may seem a tad confusing since the POVs will be more than just that of Reiner's.~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating will be hard since I'm preparing for college within the month, but I'll try to update as much as I can!
> 
> -Adrian

* * *

Bertholdt

* * *

 

_'How can I tell him? How can I even bring myself to approach Reiner? No, I can't tell him, I'll just make up excuses. No, that won't work, Reiner knows me better than that. What do I do? I don't want to tell him, I don't want to be apart from him. Calm down! You're driving and you need to keep your eyes on the road! You need to get it together, what has gotten into you!? Just breathe, Bertholdt.'_

Without Reiner, the days drag on in constant monotony. I see him during school, but it's not the same. No, nothing is the same. I have nothing to look forward to after school. This morning was the hardest as I got dressed. When my mother told me about moving, I was shocked, even angry. But I forced myself to reason it was for the best since Reiner and I will be attending different colleges. We need to grow up and fend for ourselves; we're not little kids anymore.

Still, I felt extremely foolish when I opened the front door expecting to see Reiner's smiling face before school. Then I numbly realized I actually have to drive myself to school. So that's what I did. I park my car in the parking lot and go through the motions through all of my classes. As usual, Reiner approaches me with a smile on his face.

Something's different..he's smiling and talking to our usual friends but it looks forced...strained. I realize I'm staring as Reiner looks up and walks over to me. He's not as eager as he usually is, hesitation apparent in his eyes. It's amazing how much we can understand each other without words. Such relationships that can communicate effectively with reticence are considered to be one of the best.

"Hey, Bert.."

"Good morning, Reiner." Usually I scold him for giving me such ridiculous nicknames, but I decide against it today.

"So...uh...what's good with you?"

I hold back the urge to laugh in his face. What's good? How about the fact that we're separated for the rest of the year? Wait..I still have to tell him. "I'm fine." A curt response is only appropriate as I look at him up and down. His cheeks are flushed, is he skipping breakfast again?

"Hey uh...my mom told me bad news...we can't hang out for two weeks..sucks right?" He attempts to smile at me as he shuffles in place.

"Reiner...there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"It's more than that..Reiner, I need to tell you that I-"

"Hey there you dorks!" Connie is standing beside us now, the usual ignorant look on his face. "Oh wait, am I interrupting something?"

Reiner bristles as he growls, "Yea you are. Can you politely piss off?"

Connie scowls in response, "Who has your balls in a knot.." He walks away back to Sasha and eagerly whispers something in her ear. Sasha looks at us and starts talking to the rest of the group referring to us.

The bell rings and I turn away, my short lived courage abruptly ended. "I should get going to class..."

"Can we still talk about this?" Reiner's voice stops me, but I don't turn around, I only walk forward.

 

* * *

 

For the next few days, the awkward silence between the two of us only increases. We make up excuses, trying our best to avoid each other as much as possible. Lunch time became unbearable as everyone kept eyeing us suspiciously for not wanting to sit next to each other. The uncomfortable silence and attempts to not look at each other during lunch became too much for me. So I stopped going to lunch all together and make up lame excuses about staying at the school library.

Knowing Reiner, I expect him to chase after me and question what my problem is. But he doesn't, which surprises and worries me. Maybe he is better off without me, he's so much more outgoing than I am. I'm just his lackey, always following him around. He must like the space, he only hangs around me because he feels sorry for me.

I'm not complaining, Reiner deserves to have a social life without me, and I'm not going to stop him. It's one of those days as the bell rings for lunch. I make sure to head to the library but someone grabs my arm.

Jean and Marco stand there with concern on their faces, well just Marco, Jean looks like he wants to maul me to death.

"You're not going anywhere."

"Jean..we're here to be friendly."

"I am being friendly."

"Jean..."

"Fine..sorry.. You're heading to the library aren't you?" Jean stares at me head on, not afraid to challenge my motives.

"What Jean's trying to say is, we're worried about you. You stopped going to lunch..and.."

"And  _what?_ " I'm too irritated to realize how unusually brash I sound.

"Marco's just trying to help. For a tall person, it was hard for us to track you down I mean Jesus Christ."

"Please, Bertholdt. Come join us for lunch! It's strange with you not being there, and you're our friend." Marco manages to crack an earnest smile.

"I have school work."

Jean rolls his eyes. "We all have school work and you study constantly. Take a break for once. Plus Reiner-"

"Can we not talk about Reiner? Thank you." My head's spinning, they're just concerned! Why am I being so defensive?

Jean looks a little taken aback, but he doesn't back down. "You're coming to lunch with us whether you like it or not. I don't know what happened between the two of you, but it's annoying as hell seeing your sad ass attempts to avoid each other."

I wince, were we really that obvious? I don't have a choice and I sigh, letting them lead me to the cafeteria.

"What the hell's his problem? He's acting so pissy." Jean angrily whispers to Marco.

"Shh...be nice, Jean. Or we can't have fun time tonight."

Everyone is sitting there watching me, an uneasy look upon their faces. When I notice Connie looking unnerved, everything suddenly clicks together now. Connie approached us earlier because even he could tell something's wrong between me and Reiner. He must have told Sasha, which prompted Jean and Marco to come looking for me.

"Long time no see, Melman." Ymir chuckles before Christa feeds her a chocolate chip cookie. "Having too much fun without us?"

"Bertholdt! Would you like a cookie! I baked some for everyone, take one before Sasha devours them all." Christa hands me a cookie and smiles invitingly.

"Thanks.." I manage to respond as I sit down. "Um..where's Eren?"

"Eren's coming towards us now. He had to stay after and talk to the French teacher." Armin sighs, all of us knowing how Eren constantly manages to get on his bad side.

Eren sits down and hungrily munches on a sand which before asking Mikasa questions about trivial topics. I squint and notice a strange mark on Eren's neck. Is that...a hickey?

"Quit staring at me."

I look up and see Eren staring me down, more freaked out than annoyed by my presence. A panicky blush enters my cheeks as I quickly look down. Christa hands him a cookie and a chair shuffles next to me. Reiner sits down next to me before making sure to avoid looking at me.

"We might as well be at a fucking funeral."

"Jean!"

"I'm sorry, Marco."

"Horse face has a point."

We all turn to Eren, then back at Jean. Eren is actually agreeing with Jean, a very rare occurrence considering their rivalry towards each other.

"Fess up, we're tired of watching the sad show between the two of you. You two stick to each other all of the time, and now you're both playing coy? Give us a break. Stop with the games already." Ymir's rude remarks earns a nod from Eren and Jean.

"They have a point. We're your friends and we're all wondering what's going on. Both of you know that we're on your side. I've noticed how you both take measures to avoid each other. It's a known fact both of you know each other's schedules. I also used my reasoning to help in aiding how you manage to avoid each other on slightly sporadic pattern." There's no sneaking past Armin, his wise voice once again earning everyone's respect.

"Well..we're fine. So stop worrying and leave us alone." Reiner glares at everyone, especially Ymir. Usually relaxed and carefree, his sudden aggressive personality has taken a toll on his health. I notice he has circles under his eyes and worry creeps up on me again. Reiner's not sleeping like he should be.

"I'm going to the lunch line and I would be grateful if all of you stop staring at me." Reiner walks off before anyone can say anything.

"Alright, Reiner's gone. Tell us what's going on!" Despite the forward tone, Connie bounces in his seat as he grabs some chips making noisy sounds.

"...I'm moving away."

"WHAT!?" Everyone is on edge now, even Mikasa and Armin are surprised.

"...I'm not switching schools..but..I'm going to be living more than an hour away from school..."

"Well everything makes sense now... Why didn't you tell us? We could've helped you." Marco's voice is soothing, breaking the short lived stunned silence.

"Well Reiner doesn't know. I have to tell him, so I would appreciate it very much if you all keep this among yourselves."

"Alright. But you better do it soon, or I'll have no problem doing it instead."

"Ymir, that's rude." Christa shakes her head before squeezing Ymir's hand.

"Aww you poor guys! You need these chips more than I do." Sasha goes to give me her bag of chips before changing her mind.

Everyone goes back to playing dumb as we overhear Reiner's footsteps approaching.

 

* * *

Reiner

* * *

 

Why is everyone staring at me with this stunned look? Bertholdt looks at me before turning away but I don't miss the anguished look in his eyes. What ever's going on with him, everyone else knows except me now. I'm sorry, but what the hell? Ever since that day, Bertholdt has made it clear we shouldn't be around each other. I always knew that I'm too manic around him, but am I really that bad? Why couldn't he have told me? I thought we were best friends!

"Well, since everyone is too busy gossiping about me, I might as take my sorry ass somewhere else." I stomp off, fed up with everyone. But worse.. I'm more upset with myself. If it weren't for my stupid idea, we wouldn't be in this mess.

Standing alone in the hallway, I slide down so I'm sitting on the floor. Looking side to side, I place my face in my hands, fighting the urge to cry. I'm not going to cry, not now. But I will cry if I decided to sit there. And Ymir would never let it go if she saw me bawling like a baby.

"Reiner.."

"What is it? Here to mock me?" Why am I being so mean to him? Is this what love does to you?

"I'm sorry..there's something I need to tell you."

"Oh you've made it very clear."

"What?"

"You can't stand me, you're embarrassed. You can't wait to get away from me."

"That's not true!"

"Then why are you here?"

"Because...I'm moving away."

My whole body tenses over as Bertholdt manages to choke out those last few words. "I'm not switching schools..but my mom's making me live with my aunt and uncle until college begins."

I look up at Bertholdt with sudden clarity. This explains why Bert's been so skittish and upset. I walk up to him and I grab his hand. "Bertholdt..when are you moving?"

"In two days."

"TWO DAYS!?"

"I'm sorry, Reiner! I waited too long to tell you! I didn't know how to break it to you! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Bertholdt's voice starts choking really bad now.

I grip him by his shoulders and furiously shake him. I need to be strong, strong for the both of us. "Don't you ever apologize! It was my stupid idea! I was an idiot all these years! I always got us in trouble and you had to save my ass on several occasions! Don't you dare blame yourself!"

Bertholdt nods hoarsely and he hugs me, wrapping his long arms around me. My breath is knocked out of me as his nervous energy flows through my whole body. My sweet Bertholdt's been so distraught trying to tell me, and all I've done is act like a selfish bastard. I hug back just as fiercely as we silently stand in the hallway crying. For once, we don't give a shit if anyone looks.

The love of my life is leaving me. Leaving me for good.

 

* * *

 

I sneak out of my house and run like hell over to Bertholdt's place. The moving truck outside of his house only confirms my fears as I look for him. Mrs. Fubar stands there disapproving, but she doesn't stop me.

"BERTHOLDT!"

"Reiner!?" Bertholdt nervously drops the box from his hands as I nearly knock him over to the floor in my embrace.

"Bertholdt.."

"Oh Reiner..."

"We can still contact each other..right?"

"Of course. We'll always be friends!"

"Forever?"

"Forever."

"Until the end?"

"Until the ends of the Earth, Reiner."

"Bertholdt, it's time to get in the car." We look up and see Mrs. Fubar looking in our direction. A calm collected look upon her face, she simply walks off knowing Bertholdt will follow soon after.

"You need to do this. You don't need me dragging you down."

"Reiner.."

"Bertholdt?"

"Yes?"

"No. Nevermind."

Mrs. Fubar is starting the car and Bertholdt is getting into the car. I should do it, I should tell him how much I love him. Now's the time to do it..but I decide against it as I watch them drive away. Bertholdt needs to live his own life, he needs to be able to find happiness without me.

I love you. And because I love you, I'm letting you go.

 

* * *

A Few Months Later - December - Mrs. Braun

* * *

 

"Ugh. Why must the holidays be so expensive. And with Reiner moping around like a lost puppy dog, I don't know how to console him." I shouldn't be talking to myself in Macy's as I dodge the constant rush of customers as everyone prepares for Christmas. Even after the two weeks ended, Reiner still walked around with a depressed look on his face. He was always a decent student earning As and Bs, but his grades started to sky rocket. Maybe those tutoring sessions with Bertholdt finally paid off. I shouldn't have been so harsh on him that day.

I knock into someone. "Well I know you're busy to buy your eleven year old a fancy ass, iPhone, you can at least earn some manners!"

Mrs. Fubar stares at me with a stunned look. "Mrs. Braun!"

"Oh! I'm sorry! The holiday rush and rude people must have gotten to me."

She smiles and meekly shakes my hand. She and Bertholdt are two of a kind, there's no denying they're related.

"How's your son?"

"He's good...Yours?"

I go to tell her about Reiner acting all depressed, but my gut feeling tells me not to.

"Excited for the holidays?"

"Very much so, but it's so busy."

"Definitely. My husband's finally returning."

Oops. I forget that Mrs. Fubar is a widow as her eyes start to cloud over. She quickly smiles and tilts her head to the side. Such a graceful, beautiful, and strong woman. I don't see why she can't start dating again.

"I guess our sons will probably want to see each other during Christmas break." Might as well break the ice, right?

"Oh that's not necessary..we don't live here anymore."

"You don't?" Act poised, Catherine. Don't over react, Mrs. Fubar has her reasons.

"Yes..we've lived with my sister and brother in law- Reiner never told you?" Mrs. Fubar turns bright red from the shock.

I stare stunned as I nod in agreement. "No..."

We wave our good byes and I drive home wondering if I should approach Reiner about the topic. I see Reiner watching TV as I walk inside. "Reiner please give me a hand with all these groceries. We have to get ready, your father's coming home soon."

Reiner makes a face and I sigh recalling their tense relationship. "Reiner..I ran into Mrs. Fubar today. She told me that her and Bertholdt live out of town."

"...yea..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Isn't this what you wanted?"

A retort rising in my throat, I blink my eyes and calm myself. "Is there anything wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, Mom."

"I know you and Bertholdt were close, Reiner are you crying!?"

"No, I'm not! I'm just getting a cold!" Reiner runs upstairs before I can say anything.

He was always unusually affectionate towards Bertholdt. 

Wait. Is Reiner...gay?

Just what has the world come to?


	4. Frenzy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coach Shadis is a demonic Lima Bean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just letting you know I have no idea what I'm doing. If this chapter seems confusing, I apologize greatly in advance.

"Reiner...we need to discuss something."

I look up with a wary eye as I get ready for school. My Mom stands there with her arms crossed, a concerned look as she bites her lip. Lately, she's been acting very skittish around me. I don't understand why since I've been on my best behavior for months now. My grades are really good now, I actually put in effort at school. Plus, I've managed to stay out of trouble. Still she keeps doing this. She uncomfortably approaches me because she wants to say something but she always changes her damn mind. I wish she would just spit it out in all honesty, it's making me nervous.

"What is it, Mom?"

"We need to discuss..your father."

"Oh." My Dad and I have never gotten along, he's practically a stranger to me. The man's never home, and when he is home; all he does is drink and yell. Personally, the old man can take a hike, he only stresses her out. But for some odd reason, I can tell it's not my asshole of a Dad that's concerning her. Something else is on her mind, and I can't seem to put my finger on it. I play along though, I'm not in the mood to fight people anymore.

"He's coming home in a week for the holidays and I need you to pick up around the house."

"Okay."

"And Reiner?"

"Yeah?"

"Nothing..just..have a good day at school." My mom bites her lip, she stares at me nervous before abruptly walking into her room, slamming her door shut.

I'm trying really hard to keep it together. It's nearly impossible, especially when I go to school and see him. And when I do see him, my heart beats so violently I'm afraid I'll pass out right then and there. The new situation between us has made things better and worse. Better since we've become closer than ever, but worse because every time we do meet, you'd think one of us is going off to war or something.

It sucks knowing that Bertholdt can't meet up with me as much. He's always watched and immediately picked up after school. His Mom has made it very clear that we can't be together. And it sucks. It sucks like hell.

However, there is a bright side. Bertholdt's on the swim team and he has practice after school practically every day. It's an odd new pattern between us, I stay after school for a good half hour just so I can watch him swim. Because that's not creepy and pathetic at all.

The bell rings and I'm heading straight to the school pool so I can watch Bertholdt swim like I always do. Everyone else in the group knows about this, but they don't say anything. Even Ymir keeps her comments to herself which surprises me if you want my honest opinion.

 

* * *

 

"BERTHOLDT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR ARMS!? ARE YOU ONE OF THOSE INFLATABLE BALLOON MEN ON THE HIGHWAY IN FRONT OF A CAR DEALERSHIP OR ARE YOU ACTUALLY SWIMMING!?"

Every time the coach screams, Bertholdt swallows a bunch of water and freaks out. And he swims into the lane line hitting his head before screwing up everyone else practicing in the next lane. It's a big deal when Bertholdt does this because one, he's huge, and two, he's the fastest in his lane meaning he swims first in practice. I chuckle to myself as he sputters rapid apologies to everyone in his lane as the coach glares in irritation.

"TIME FOR THE BUTTERFLY STROKE! LET'S GO! WE'RE DOING A LATTER ROUTINE TO A 200! THAT MEANS A 25 FLY, 50 FLY, 75, THEN SO FORTH UNTIL YOU REACH 200! THEN YOU GO ALL THE WAY BACK DOWN! AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WAIT 5 SECONDS AFTER THE PERSON BEFORE YOU START! BECAUSE SOME OF US PANIC AND END UP KICKING THE PERSON BEHIND IN THE FACE!"

Everyone immediately looks at Bertholdt, who only whimpers in response. Bertholdt scrunches his face and starts off swimming the specialty stroke. Whenever he swims the Fly, my face heats up. The butterfly is probably the hardest stroke and Bertholdt is the best butterfly swimmer on the whole team. And you should see how fucking sexy he is, Jesus Christ.

He kicks off at full speed and leaves ripples of water throughout the entire pool. His leg muscles poke out and I see the water gracefully flow around that sweet ass of his. But what kills me is when he emerges, his back muscles arched, as his arms swing forward. Bertholdt may be nervous and easily scared, but once he starts to swim seriously, he looks like an Olympian.

The coach nods in silent approval as everyone follows Bertholdt's lead. Bertholdt's leaving everyone in the dust as he swims the fly. The amazing part is, he doesn't splash all over from his kick. His arms make a splash but not surprisingly, they're graceful as he gets ready to flip turn.

I recall when Bertholdt first started swimming. We were only nine years old back then.

 

* * *

 

_"My mom is making me swim..." Bertholdt muttered before staring at me with a look of terror on his face._

_"That's great! You'll develop muscles and get all the pretty girls!"_

_"Reiner! That's not the point! I'm afraid of the water and it feels really weird.."_

_"You'll be fine. Hey, how about I come with you to practice. So you won't be as scared."_

_"You would seriously do that?"_

_"Of course, we're best friends! Plus I'll try not to laugh when you start drowning."_

_"Oh gee, thanks a lot." Bertholdt pouted, puffing his cheeks which made me laugh._

_At practice, Bertholdt waited last to dive in as everyone practiced. He was already taller than average which earned the coach's immediate interest. As he awkwardly approached the diving board, his butt stuck in the air as some kids smirked knowing his obvious discomfort. The minute he entered the water, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared in awe._

_The coach's eyes shined as he watched Bertholdt's undeniably great speed and performance. From then on, no one made fun of him anymore. In fact, he earned a few fans as the swimmers in lane asked for his help in swimming certain strokes._

_I felt a twinge of envy, knowing Bertholdt was making friends and started hanging out with them. But he always stuck close to me in the end, my selfishness being at ease because of this. In fact, Bertholdt demanded for me to attend practice with him every time so I can just sit there and watch. His theory was that me being there made him feel less scared._

_This went on for a good two years until I took up football. My mom was tired of me wanting to sit there and watch Bertholdt swim every practice. She adored my loyalty but felt I needed to do my own sport. I tried to swim, but I sunk like a fucking rock. I don't know how he does it, I swear the water hates me. I loved every moment of watching Bertholdt swim._

_I adored every moment of being around Bertholdt in general. I was too young to understand sexuality and I had no idea I was falling madly in love with him._

 

* * *

 

"What the hell are you doing?"

I sputter and water clogs up my throat. Choking and hacking, I glare up at Connie. "What are you doing here." I mutter, embarrassed that Connie stood there for who knows how long watching me be all googly eyed watching Bertholdt swim.

Connie only snickers. "Wondering what the hell you're doing."

"Bull shit."

"Chill chill, man. Ymir sent me over, she's looking for you."

 _Pft! I knew it! Ymir's up to something._ "Tell her I'm busy."

"Okay. I'll just tell her you're too preoccupied with staring at Bertholdt."

"WHAT!?" I stand up, unable to hide the blush that has spread across my face.

"CALM DOWN! DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER!"

We both look down from the balcony and see everyone has stopped swimming. The coach looks ready to have a fit and Bertholdt stares with curiosity.

"Ah fuck it." I groan and drag Connie's bald ass out of the pool area before the coach does anything.

"Hey! Let go of my shirt!"

"Shut up." I ignore Connie's complaints, I'm ready to pound him in the face.  _Dammit, Ymir._

Approaching Ymir, I notice everyone in our usual group is there too.

"Took you long enough.."

"Jean, we've discussed this before." Marco stares at Jean with disapproval.

"Sorry, Marco."

I ignore those two dorks and focus my anger towards Ymir.

"What do you want?"

"That's how you approach me? Not when I'm going out of my way to help you?"

"What are you talking about? Whatever I don't need your help."

"Excuse me, but if I were you, I would take that back."

I walk away, honestly not in the mood for everyone's shit. Instinctively, I stop when I hear Ymir shouting at me.

"I FOUND A WAY FOR YOU AND BERTHOLDT TO MEET UP. BUT I GUESS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE!"

I should've kept walking, but Bertholdt's name always stops me. I mentally kick myself as I slowly walk back to where Ymir is standing.

"Why are you helping?"

"I don't know, maybe it's because I'm your friend? Seriously, I'm trying to be nice and you're treating me like I'm some-"

"Ymir."

"Sorry, Krista."

Krista and Marco look at each other and sigh, chuckling in silent unison about their belligerent partners.

"....When will this take place..."

"Tomorrow night. Make up some lame story or something. I don't care what you do. I just know we're all tired of watching you and Bertholdt act all coy around each other."

Well then fuck. Ymir's going out of her way to help us out here and I'm acting like a jackass. I make a mental note to apologize to Ymir later on when I glance at Eren. Holy shit. He has a huge hickey on his neck. I've seen it before, but it keeps getting bigger. Jaeger's getting laid, I mean shit.

"Nice hickey, Eren."

"The fuck-!" Eren glances over and wraps his shirt's collar even higher.

"Seriously, who are you fucking around with?"

"None of your damn business! We're here to talk about you and Bertholdt, right!?"

"Calm down. Calm down. Sheesh."

We all snicker at Eren's obvious discomfort as his face turns into a violent shade of red. It's almost like old times again. Almost.

Eren mutters in angry French causing Jean to intervene.

"I see you're getting more than just French lessons, Jaeger."

Eren stares stunned, giving Jean a scared look. The scared look is unusual on Eren, especially when he usually looks angry all the time.

"So Eren, you've been staying after with the French teacher a lot lately."

"F-fuck off, horse face!"

"Please. At least Marco's my age."

I think that did it. Eren flew at Jean like some caged animal. His hands look like claws as he screams punching Jean in the face. Jean retaliates of course, as he gives Eren a solid punch in the mouth. Eren's a better fighter, but Jean knows how to give one hell of a good fight. They're at it like you can't believe. Usually Mikasa breaks them apart, but she doesn't. She stands there watching, letting Eren and Jean have it out. Eren's reaction only confirms our fears that Eren's in an illegal relationship with the French teacher, Levi.

"WHAT THE ABSOLUTE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?" We all stop what we're doing and realize with dread that Coach Shadis is running towards us. We all immediately break into a run. We run like hell as Shadis chases us, calling us all kinds of names. I have no idea how he's allowed to keep teaching when he curses all the time.

Coach Shadis nearly catches up with us but he trips over. That's really odd and hilarious at the same time. The man works out for FUN. He's a skilled gymnast and he tripped over a fucking rake. I can't help it as I start laughing like a buffoon. This only makes him angrier but he's not going after us anymore.

This is how he tripped, I need to explain the glorious details of how the man fell over on his face. First of all he's tall, muscular, bald and has dark shadows around his eyes. Along with his intimidating appearance, he has a loud angry voice. He screams, curses, and terrifies everyone on a daily basis. He leg gave out and he fell forward with his mouth opening. His cheeks looked like they were rippling and his eyes nearly bulged out of his face. "FUCKING HELL!"

We laugh as we keep running, leaving Coach Shadis farther and farther behind. "I came just in time, right?" We look over and see Bertholdt running alongside us! His backpack and athletic bag is strapped to his body and he's soaking wet.

"BERTHOLDT!" I scream his name, the adrenaline and happiness combined giving me sheer ecstasy.

Bertholdt's long legs easily give him an edge ahead all of us, but we're all pretty fit. Along with the fact that Coach Shadis is a scary ass motherfucker.

Eventually, we finally stop running as we approach this play ground. There's a few kids in the distance, but we all retreat to the picnic tables and a few minutes pass in silence. Staring at each other, we all burst out laughing at the incident.

"Did you see his face when he fell!?"

"What a fucking psychopath!"

"A fucking rake, oh my God.."

"I guess even Shadis is clumsy."

"He didn't trip over a rake..."

We all look over at Bertholdt as he shyly smirks at all of us. Damn that smirk is sexy. I'd have sex with him right there if I could.

"Dude, what are you talking about?" Connie looks confused.

"...I was changing in the locker room when everyone on the swim team heard Eren and Jean fighting. When I saw Coach Shadis run by the door, I immediately took off after him. I hid behind a bush and placed a rake in front of him. Then..I sorta...pushed him.." Bertholdt finishes, his face bright red from his actions.

We all stare in silence before we start laughing.

"High five, man! That's fucking great!" Jean gives Bertholdt a high five as Ymir pats him on the back.

"So you came through, huh. Guess you're not a pussy after all." She teases as Krista shakes her head smiling.

Marco's face is flushed from laughing nonstop as Sasha starts to kiss Connie's face all over.

After the laughter dies down, I look at Bertholdt and smile. He looks back and smiles too. Not just a cheesy nervous smile, or the small smile he gives to appease the curiosity of others. No this is one of his rare, crooked smiles. It's genuine and his sexiness overwhelms all rational thoughts in my head.

"Alright, love birds. Break it up. Bertholdt, I'm scheduling for all of us to hang out so you can spend time with Reiner. You can thank me later." Ymir states as Bertholdt blushes in my direction.

"Yeah, man! You gotta be there!"

"..I'll be there." Bertholdt's comment earns a cheer from everyone as the sun starts to set. We all check our phones and realize we need to get home. Bertholdt's panicking as he realizes his Mom is probably looking for him. He goes to run ahead, but thanks to Mikasa's quick thinking, we formulated a last minute plan to get him out of trouble.

Arriving home, I expect Mom to ask questions about my whereabouts. She's nowhere to be seen and I start to worry about her. Seriously, she's acting really strange.

"Hi, honey."

I turn around and see her. "Oh sorry I'm late I was just-"

"It's fine. I don't care."

"Mom, are you okay?"

"Don't worry about it."

"It's Dad isn't it?"

She looks up and tears well up in her eyes. "He's...leaving me for another woman."

Everything stops as my Mom, a strong woman who never cries, sobs all over the place. That rat bastard. I always knew he was trash. Not knowing any better, I stride over and hug her.

"Mom I'm so sorry."

"It's not your fault. I just realized he's been cheating on me again."

"A-again!?"

She nods and apologizes. "I made him stay around though, because I felt you needed a proper father role model. He's no role model, not when he can't even be loyal to his own wife of..."

The sobbing continues for a good extra hour as I try to help her calm down. She settles in early, not bothering to nag me about getting enough sleep for school.

 

* * *

 

School flies by in tension the next day, we all do our best to avoid Coach Shadis. Even though Ymir scheduled the hangout, it takes place at Eren and Mikasa's house. They live alone, so it would only make sense. Their mom passed away from a sudden illness causing their father, a skilled physician to take on this crazy adventure to discover the cure to her illness. He's not home a lot, but he always manages to pay the bills and answer calls from school. No one outside of our group knows that they're home alone most of the time.

They live in a nice blue two story house with a huge ass backyard. The best part is the pool and tree house with a tire swing. After we all met up, Connie immediately heads for the tire swing only to be hit in the head and fall to the ground. Sasha holds him nursing his wounds while mocking him at the same time. It's pretty fucking hilarious when you think of it.

Jean and Marco are already walking off, probably to make out or something. Eren and Ymir both yell at them to not get semen all over the place. Jean starts cursing at them but Marco drags him off, a little too eager to get it on.

While everyone else is doing their own thing, Bertholdt and I settle for sitting at the pool, dipping our feet into the shallow end. We sigh and smile at each other, just enjoying the company.

We don't need words, the smile says it all. No need to make conversation or say something trivial like 'What's up?' Or 'I miss you!'

"Bertholdt..you wouldn't believe what happened..."

"What is it?" Worry immediately clouds his beautiful tan face.

"My bastard of a Dad is cheating on my Mom."

Bertholdt places his hands over his mouth and softly gasps. He then places his hand over mine, giving me a good shoulder to cry on. I don't cry I just start talking nonstop about what happened.

"..and it turns out he cheated on her when I was seven. Fucking unbelievable."

"Reiner...I'm so sorry. That's really...terrible."

"I feel bad for my Mom."

Bertholdt decides to not say anything. He lays his head on my shoulder with his arm wrapped around my waist. My face heats up bright red and I feel my cock get hard. _Your friend is consoling you and you're about ready to jump out of your pants._ A fleeting image of me ripping off my clothes and us having sex in Eren and Mikasa's pool sounded very appealing at the moment.

"Reiner...I really do miss you.." Bertholdt finally sits up and looks at me.

"I miss you too. I miss you everyday. I miss how we can't see each other as much. I just miss being around you."

"I see you watch me at swim practice..."

"Oh!" _Great, he knows you're a stalker. Smooth, Reiner._

"..It's nice..since it reminds me of the old days.." He sighs and smiles embarrassed.

"You're an amazing swimmer."

He blushes and looks away. "I swim fast when I'm scared."

"So what? You're so..talented at everything."

"Reiner..you're exaggerating."

I love when Bertholdt says my name. He does it often when we speak and when I manage to control my horny emotions for a few minutes, I revel in hearing his smooth husky voice. Not knowing any better, I reach over and start tickling Bertholdt. For a shy guy, Bertholdt has the loudest, most obnoxious laugh ever. He starts guffawing unable to stop. When Bertholdt is laughing or drunk, he's a different person.

"DAMMIT! STOP! I CAN'T BREATHE! MY SIDES!"

Bertholdt sounding sassy turns me on, so I keep tickling him. We continue, unaware that our friends are watching from the distance.

The rest of the night continues in sweet bliss as we laugh about Coach Shadis yet again, and tease Eren about Levi. We don't take it too far, Jean doesn't need to lose a tooth. Plus, Marco would get really upset. We all joke that he's 'Freckled Jesus' his good nature almost unnatural. I can't say anything else interesting, all I notice is Bertholdt. He sees me. And I see him.

 For me, that's all that matters.

 

* * *

 

  **2 a.m.**

My phone rings and I see seven missed calls from several people. Wondering what the hell's going on, I answer Armin, his call being the most recent.

 

"Armin! What's going on!?"

"We've been trying to reach you!"

"What's wrong?"

"It's Bertholdt! He's in the hospital!"

"What!?"

"We'll tell you on the way! PLEASE HURRY!"

 

Dread washes over my entire body. Getting dressed my Mom questions why I'm all in a frenzy. I can't hold back, tears are streaming down my face.

"Bertholdt's in the hospital! I can't wait! Mikasa's driving over RIGHT NOW!"

"NO! I'LL DRIVE! I CAN'T HAVE YOU KIDS GETTING IN A CAR ACCIDENT!"

I don't expect her to say that. We run downstairs and meet a distressed Armin at the door. After my Mom explains quickly, Mikasa let's her get on the wheel. I sit there in the back with my face in my hands. I can't stop crying. I can't even breathe. My angel..my love..my life...is being ripped apart.

Ymir places her hand on my shoulder. "It's going to be okay."

Bertholdt..I'm coming for you. Just hold on.


	5. Reminiscence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite the pandemonium surrounding him, Reiner has a fond recollection of the simple days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus the struggle to escape my plot twist begins.

When you rush to the hospital due to an emergency, everything flies by so quickly. You know everything that happens, but at the same time you don't. During an emergency, several things happen. Confusion, surprise, fear, anger, more confusion, trepidation, and still more confusion. All of these emotions run through you at once as you're still in a state of shock trying to grasp what just happened. And so, the cycle repeats itself continuously without stopping even when you've finally decided to pick a plan of action.

You may seem calm and collected on the outside, as you state the things that need to be done. Everyone does their best to please you because to them, you're a ticking time bomb. Perhaps you're hysterical: crying, cursing, and putting up a storm. You can't seem to calm down at all. You're breathing heavily and you run around screaming at everyone who's just trying to help you. Then there's the alternative, being emotionally shut down. You shut down completely and to your loved ones, you look like the fire that lights your soul has died from within you. You talk, you act, you hug, you think, but yet you're not here. Your voice probably sounds monotone or maybe you're so stunned by the traumatic experience that you don't say anything at all. So you sit there and watch everyone frantically try to help pull you out of this strange trance you're in.

So you arrive at the hospital with guns blazing, not caring that you look like a total nutcase. You say and do things you would never do on a regular basis. In my case, I run around screaming at every person who dares to cross my path of rage.

 

* * *

 

"REINER! YOU NEED TO GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!" My mom frantically has her hands tightly wrapped around my shoulders. She looks terrified, but she's trying her best to be brave for the two of us. My other friends don't bother to do anything, they just stare at me with pity and fear in their eyes. Connie and Sasha are squeezing each other's hands, as Sasha tries not to cry. Ymir goes to talk to me, but Krista quickly stops her, whispering frantically into her ear. Mikasa and Armin sit in the chairs, patiently watching everything that happens around them. Jean has his head on Marco's shoulder, trying to stare at anything but me. Marco looks at me and silently nods, affirming that I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone. And Eren? Eren is nowhere to be seen.

"DON'T TELL ME WHEN TO CALM DOWN! BERTHOLDT IS IN THERE! HE'S PROBABLY CRYING AND HE NEEDS ME!"

"REINER, THERE ARE PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!"

"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! MY SWEET BERTHOLDT IS IN THERE IN AGONY AND HE'S SCARED! HE COULD BE-" My voice cracks and I literally throw myself to the floor crying nonstop. My cries echo down the hospital corridor causing a few startled visitors to look in my direction.

My mom wraps her arms in a tight grip around me, rocking and whispering sweet lullabies into my ear. "Please Reiner, they're trying their best. Please..before I start crying too." I look up and see the small silent tears going down her face.

An hour passes and still we sit here in this uncomfortable silence as we watch other horror stories similar to ours. A woman is transported in on the stretcher because she's having a heart attack. An old man is in the corner screaming for his wife but still nobody tries to help his emotional needs. The paramedics are everywhere, the ambulances arrive nonstop.

Finally, a female nurse approaches us. She has short auburn hair, and a blue hospital jumpsuit that all the nurses wear. A kind, sympathetic look, she walks towards my direction.

"Are you Reiner Braun?"

I can't even speak correctly as I manage a pathetic 'yes' to her question. The kind woman shakes my hand, introducing herself as Nurse Petra Ral. My mom asks her several questions as she looks at me analyzing my condition. I probably look like shit.

"Come this way to the ICU. I'll lead you there."

We all get up and follow Nurse Petra through the halls in silence. I notice Mikasa is probably gone looking for Eren. Armin remains with us and he mouths to me asking if I need water. I nod no in response as he nods kindly before saying something to Marco.

Bertholdt's mom is standing outside a room pacing. She looks quite unlike herself with her hair a mess and dark circles under her eyes. Shock and sudden relief shows on her face as she notices the presence of me and my mom. Before she can say anything, a woman leaves the room. A tired look upon her face, she walks with confidence and pride.

"I'm Dr. Hange Zoe. Nice to meet all of you. Now we need to address Bertholdt-" The light outside of the room starts flashing and she runs back inside, shouting orders at everyone to leave immediately.

"IT HURTS! IT HURTS!"

My heart stops.

A high pitched scream of agony follows. Bertholdt is screaming. Bertholdt is SCREAMING. He is in the hospital room and in extreme pain. This isn't a regular scream, it's the scream of physical suffering mixed with fear. I don't know what to do next as darkness starts to cover my line of sight.

That is when I passed out unconscious on the floor.

 

* * *

 

_"ALRIGHT KIDS! WE'RE ON TO MY FAVORITE CHAPTER OF ALL TIME! SO ALL OF YOU HORN DOGS BETTER GET READY." Our health teacher, Mr. Zacharias, stands there staring at us with a maniacal smile on his face. He's one of those cool teachers, not caring if you text in the back of class. Mike is well liked by everyone, he makes everyone call him Mike since he despises formality, students and teachers alike. There's only one little problem; Mike tends to act very strange when he teaches the sex ed chapter._

_"Um..."_

_"YES THOMAS WHAT IS IT!?"_

_The blond boy shuffles in his chair. "Never mind." He quickly squeaks, wishing he never said anything at all. I'm sitting in the back of the class with Bertholdt and Connie. Connie and I are snickering as we watch everyone stare at Mike in fear. Bertholdt is the only one who's actually taking this crap seriously. Somebody bless this guy, he's an angel. Not as much as Freckled Jesus but it's close enough._

_"NOW WE'RE GOING TO REPEAT AFTER ME. BECAUSE SOME OF YOU ARE VERY IMMATURE AND CAN'T SAY THE WORD PENIS WITHOUT LAUGHING. NOW WE'RE GOING TO SAY THE WORD PENIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL EVERYONE LEARNS TO STOP BEING IMMATURE. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, CONNIE!?"_

_We all turn to see Connie sitting there with his face lit up bright red. I snicker and nudge Bertholdt with my elbow before purposely stepping on Connie's foot. Connie yelps which only prompts Mike to stare at him with an evil look on his face._

_"CONNIE, STAND UP!"_

_Connie manages to stand up before giving me the finger. Bertholdt glares thinking that what I just did was mean._

_"CONNIE! YOU'RE GOING TO SAY THE WORD PENIS REPEATEDLY UNTIL I TELL YOU TO STOP."_

_"But- WHY ME!?" Connie stares in disbelief, knowing the embarrassment up ahead._

_"BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW YOU LIKE TO GET BUSY WITH YOUR LADY FRIEND."_

_Now Bertholdt's finally laughing as we both immediately think of all the times Connie and Sasha sucked each other's faces off behind the bleachers._

_"WE'RE WAITING, CONNIE SPRINGER." Mike is standing, tapping his fingers against the desk._

_"....penis."_

_"LOUDER CONNIE I CAN'T HEAR YOU."_

_"....penis!"_

_"WHAT!?"_

_"PENIS!"_

_"AGAIN! SAY IT THREE TIMES!"_

_"PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!"_

_"VERY GOOD MR. SPRINGER VERY GOOD! NOW SIT DOWN!"_

_Connie immediately sits down before warning that he'll kill us in our sleep._

_"When a woman and a man have SEX the man's PENIS is usually HARD beforehand! Let us talk about how the PENIS penetrates the VAGINA!"_

_I don't think I can take this anymore and neither can Bertholdt. How the hell do you expect us not to laugh when Mike's screaming like a lunatic about sexual intercourse!? Bertholdt and I start to pass notes to each other under the table as Mike goes around screaming about pregnancy and STDs._

_"REMEMBER KIDS! I AM ALWAYS WATCHING YOU. I CAN TELL IF YOU'RE BUSY DOING THE NASTY. BECAUSE I CAN SMELL IT."_

_Here we go again._

_"I KNOW WHAT SEX SMELLS LIKE AND I CAN SMELL SEMEN TOO."_

_Before Mike can continue, someone knocks on the door. All of a sudden, he's calm and composed as he opens the door._

_"Hello. Is there anything you need?"_

_The new student quickly shakes her head no and runs off frightened by Mike's height. He's the only guy I know who's taller than Bertholdt._

_"And now we move on to sex between HOMOSEXUALS." Mike looks at Bertholdt and I, prompting us to fidget with nervousness and agitation. Connie's snickering this time, and I mentally remind myself to give him a wedgie later._

_"LET US TALK ABOUT THE LUBE and anal SEX."_

_The bell suddenly rings, relieving us from Mike's psychotic craze about sex. We immediately run off as Bertholdt and I high five each other in the hallway._

* * *

 

"What the hell..." I open my eyes and see myself in a hospital room.

"Reiner...you passed out from shock." I turn my head to see my mom sitting there with a book in her hands. "Reading calms me down."

"I don't know how you can concentrate at a time like this..." I mutter as my head starts to throb. "Ugh...where's everyone else?"

"They're probably walking around the hospital. I told them they could all go home, but they remained adamant. Reiner..we're all worried."

"I know, I know." The gravity of the situation suddenly dawned on me and I started gasping for breath rapidly. My mom stands at my side as she firmly takes my hand in hers.

"It's going to be okay."

"How do you know that for sure-"

Ymir walks into the room and stares at the scene before her.

"You guys should go home seriously."

"We're not leaving you. Both of you guys are our friends."

I nod in silent thanks as more people enter the room.

"Do any of you guys know how Bertholdt's doing?"

More unsure looks as Jean's gentle snores fill the silence in the room.

"Dude. We're so sorry this happened." Connie shakes his head feeling disgusted by everything.

"Stop apologizing. None of this is anyone's fault."

Mikasa's back this time and I turn to her. "Where's Eren? I saw you go looking for him."

Her eyes cloud over before she answers. "He's fine."

My mom excuses herself and leaves the room. It's for the best, she needs a break from all this bullshit. We all stare at each other before sighing for the millionth time.

"Hey...cheer up." I try to crack a smile before my voice cracks again.

Marco squeezes Jean's arm to keep him from falling. This simple gesture of love made my heart flutter. I realize with harsh reality that I may never be able to do that with Bertholdt. Looking down at my hands, I wonder what's happening with him.

"Whatever happens, we'll stay by your side. We are all one unit, and we will get through this together. Don't worry about staying strong because united we stand." Armin's calm voice made everyone feel at ease.

"...And divided we fall.." We all jolt to see Eren stand there at the doorway. He looks like a wreck as Mikasa runs over and hugs him.

I laugh sarcastically. "You look like crap."

"Look who's talking."

"Eren..where the hell have you been?" Ymir scrutinizes him before wrapping her arm around a tired Krista.

"Don't worry about it.."

Mikasa sticks up for him as usual. It's almost like old times. Almost.

"Reiner..why don't you get some sleep. We're fine." Krista manages to give me a hug.

"And you guys need to go home and sleep."

"We're not leaving." Sasha finally speaks for the first time as she passes everyone some food she bought from the hospital cafe. "Hospital food sucks.." she groans.

The door opens and Nurse Petra enters with a slightly alarmed look on her face.

"What are you all doing here.." Coughing, Nurse Petra explains to us in her best way possible about Bertholdt's condition. Because of some stupid patient confidentiality law, we're not really allowed to know the full story.

"Thank you...for...everything.." I doze off into a sleep again not caring that other people are watching.

 

* * *

 Bertholdt

* * *

 

"Hold on, Bertholdt! Don't die on us! I swear don't you dare die on us!" A female doctor with glasses stares down at me sternly. Everything's an odd haze and all I feel is excruciating pain.

More hands are gripping my limbs, restraining me to my bed. Other hospital staff are in and out of the door running over to talk to the female doctor. I can't even articulate about how bad the pain is. All I can do is scream, which does nothing to help the situation at all.

My mind flashes towards Reiner before I notice a man placing a mask over my face. Oh that's nice..the anesthesiologist is here....

 

* * *

 

Where am I?

I look around and notice the near blinding brightness surrounding me everywhere. I have no idea what I'm looking at. I can't tell if I'm in a specific time zone or anything.

Is this what heaven feels like? It's so nice and peaceful here.

"You're not permanently dead."

I whirl around and see a man standing there. He's very tall with brown hair smoothed back on his head. A kind smile on his face, I notice the hazel eyes and his tall height.

"Come here...son." The man cracks the same smile I inherited from him as he invites me over with open arms.

I run over and hug him sobbing. I can't stop, I can't think at all.

"Dad...I don't know what to say!"

"You don't need to say anything. I've seen it all myself. Your poor mother." He sighs and shakes his head. "Bertholdt..I'm aware that we never met since I passed away two months before you were born. I've also taken notice that your mother never told you what occurred. Sit down and let me explain what happened."

We both sat down on some sort of bench before my father stares at some sort of 'sky.'

"I first met your mother when we were dating different people at the same restaurant. Coincidentally, both of us were looking for someone to settle down with. I had already been divorced whereas your mother had a boyfriend. When we met, it was love at first sight. Heading to the bathroom, I accidentally ran into her. The way we looked at each other was unquestionable. I knew right then and there I wanted to take her home as my wife. We continued to contact each other. I recall staying up the entire night chatting with her on the phone. And so we dated, we danced, we fell in love. Our wedding was a simple affair, nothing too extravagant. After the wedding, we went on our honey moon to Paris, France. I worked in accounting back then."

A flash of pain is seen in his eyes as my father continues. "When I found out your mother was pregnant with you, I was the happiest man alive. At least I thought I was. We spent months happily preparing for the moment I could earn the pride to raise you as my son. But then..something happened... We were shopping in the super market, your mother and I. A regular man appeared but he looked like he wasn't right in the head. He approached us asking us where the meat department was. After I told him, he suddenly pulled out a gun and aimed it at your mother."

I stare in shock, unable to comprehend what my father just told me.

"He wanted to kill. He didn't care who, just anyone. As he went to shoot her, I stood in front and I let him shoot me instead. Bertholdt..forgive me for not being there all these years. I'm sorry. So sorry...But..I didn't think. I just acted. Please..know that I love you and your mother no matter what. Oh..and let her know she shouldn't be afraid to fall in love again. She needs to be happy. And so do you, Bertholdt."

Surprisingly, the light started to simmer which made me shield my eyes.

"Son..you have a decision. I want you to fight. Fight for your happiness. Fight for your mother. Because I know someone who is madly in love with you. I don't want you to die without having went through the true pure ecstasy of being with the love of your life. I died with no regrets, so please, don't let the past hold you and your mother back anymore."

"But Dad-"

"Good bye, son."

The light shines so bright I can't see anything.

 

* * *

 

"He's pulling through! He's making it!"

The chaos impacts me without restraint as I hear a collage of several voices shouting at each other. I hear the female doctor again, but I can't open my eyes. "Thank God...He's going to make it. He survived. Transport him to his room. He'll need rest for the next few days until he fully regains consciousness."

I'm alive. I can't believe it. I'm alive and I'll be able to see everyone again. But most of all, I'll see Reiner again.

 

* * *

Reiner

* * *

 

I'm finally released from the hospital room after a full night of sleep. My friends visit my house practically everyday after school and Armin helps me catch up on school work I missed. It seems everyone at school knows because even the teachers are cutting me some slack. Mom sticks by my side every single day, constantly keeping me a watchful eye on me.

"How are you feeling?"

"Numb..But I'm okay..This Calculus homework makes no sense at all."

"Take a break if you need one."

"Mom..I'm okay seriously."

The phone rings and she answers before frantically running into the room.

"REINER I JUST TALKED TO MRS. FUBAR! WE HAVE TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL! IT'S BERTHOLDT!"

Not hesitating, we both ran to the car and drove like mad men to the hospital. Everyone else is coming too since I sent them a group text.

Meeting up with everyone, a startled Nurse Petra greets us at the door.

We all enter the room in silence and precious Bertholdt lays there in bed with some tubes strapped to his arms. He looks so peaceful, laying there asleep.

"He's going to be fine. He just needs to rest for a few days. He really pulled through, we're all so relieved."

Dr. Zoe enters the door but before she can even speak, I run over and wrap my arms around the woman.

"W-well you're welcome!" Dr. Zoe laughs after she manages to escape my bear hug. "He's just fine. No need to worry. I thank you all for your patience and cooperation. Now please leave the room, I need to speak to Mrs. Fubar in private."

 

* * *

 

"I can't believe he made it. I thought he was a goner."

"Jean! That's inappropriate!" Marco glances a worried look in my direction.

"Well, now we can finally have some normalcy around here. I'm glad everything's finally going to be okay." Armin smiles, glancing at everyone with that usual wise look on his face.

Sasha sits next to Connie munching on some chips. "I bet Bertholdt will be hungry when he wakes."

"Unlike you, we're not always hungry!" Connie laughs as he teases Sasha about her food obsession.

"That incident was a close call. Reiner..you need to tell him." Ymir speaks with urgency. "Stop waiting."

"She's right. You should tell him." Mikasa looks at Armin before nodding her head.

"It's obvious. You need to say something."

"Like the hickey marks on your neck from-" Eren covers my mouth before I finish my sentence.

"I'm just glad everything's finally back to some sort of normalcy. Best of all, we're closer than ever. Reiner, we want you to be happy too. You're always happy, but you need to be genuinely happy." Krista grinned from ear to ear as she squeezed my hand.

"Yeah well, I'm fucking hungry now." Jean groans, obviously feeling uncomfortable from the sappy scene in front of him.

Marco smirks at Jean. "I'll feed you later, big boy."

"Alright, alright I'm getting uncomfortable."

"Shut up Connie, like you don't make out with Sasha every time you get."

"I'm right here you know!"

I laugh listening to the usual bickering before I walk off to visit Bertholdt again.

I sit in a chair near his bed and hold his hand. Watching him look so content in his sleep makes me sigh with joy. I don't need to say anything. All I need is to be near him and I know everything is okay. Something moves in the corner of my eye.  _What the hell was that? I couldn't sworn I just saw a man._ Groaning, I decide it doesn't matter and watch Bertholdt again.

We're all glad you made it Bertholdt. But I'm not just glad. I'm relieved and I feel grounded again.

Bertholdt, I love you so much. I don't think you'll ever understand how much I love you but that's fine. Because as long as you're alive, my life is perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The scene with Mike Zacharias is taken from a very similar personal experience of mine.  
> In my 9th grade Honors Biology class, I had a crazy teacher who made everyone watch a video about sex. Then he spazzed about it before making everyone 'have sex' using vials. If they turned pink, it indicated AIDS. Everyone had 'AIDS' except for two people.  
> Still, the experience was extremely awkward yet downright hysterical.


	6. Patience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Days pass as Reiner awaits for Bertholdt to return to consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! College sure is time consuming! My updates will not be as frequent due to my demanding major. Sorry! ^^'

I'm stuck in this terrible cycle that just won't end. Well not entirely considering that Bertholdt is alive and well despite his catatonic state. Still, my life has fallen into a strange new routine for me. My mom doesn't complain, she just lets go on doing what I have to do. I wake up, go to school, get through my classes, and Armin helps tutor me. Then I sit at the hospital doing homework as I wait for Bertholdt to wake up and talk to me. For him to open his beautiful brown eyes and give me my favorite crooked smile.

I expect my mom to think my new pattern is unhealthy but considering what we've been through the last month, she doesn't object. It's going to be Christmas in about a week and I'm starting to get scared. Bertholdt needs to be awake for Christmas! He needs to be functioning and vital so he can be there for his mom. But more importantly, he needs to feel the true joy of the holidays. It would not be fair for him at all if he ended up laying in the hospital bed unmoving during the joy of winter break.

With homework finished early, I'm sitting in the hospital chair right next to Bertholdt's bed. Squeezing his hand, I sigh in bittersweet contentment. Suddenly, he started squirming and whimpering. Biting his teeth, Bertholdt looks scared out of his mind as he tosses back and forth. A nurse rushes in only to tell me that he's simply having a nightmare. Since most of the tubes are removed, the nurse allows me to lay in the hospital bed with him.

I feel awkward as I hesitantly take off my shoes and slide onto the hospital bed. Bertholdt's probably in a fragile state and I don't want to hurt him.

"Hnn...no...help me...please..."

Eyes wide open, I'm at his side and gently throw my left arm over his side hugging him close to me.

"Shh...shh.. It's okay. I'm here by your side and I'll always be here to make sure you're okay.." I whisper reassuring words into his ear as he continues to whimper.

Soon, the noises and scared looks go away as a more peaceful look takes over his face. I lay there for a while stroking his face and smiling at him. After some time, I get up to leave only to see Bertholdt act frantic. Fuck it. He needs me and my homework's done. I'm at Bertholdt's side again and this time, I timidly kiss him on the cheek.

"Bertholdt...You don't know this because you're asleep..but...I'm...I'm in love with you. I've loved you since the first day we met when were little kids. Back then, it was just infatuation. But as we continued to grow up together I saw the amazing man you were becoming. You became taller, your skin more smooth, though your lashes were always long. I loved your sweet voice that became deeper as we went through that terrible hormonal stage. I still remember those pimples covering your face. You hated them with a passion. You're so beautiful. So heartbreakingly beautiful and you don't even know it. I don't think you realize how hard it is for me to watch people flirt with you constantly not only in school, but in public. I mean come on. You've been approached several times to be a male model for several companies!"

Bertholdt continues to sleep in peace and I hold him even closer to me. Quiet tears fall down my face as I continue on.

"I know so much about you, I know what makes you happy, sad, anything. I know what you like, what you dislike, and your habits. Everything you touch seems to come to life. You're so talented you can do everything. Your grades..your talents...the fact you're probably getting a scholarship for swimming....But most of all...your personality. Perfection doesn't exist I know, but dammit you're close to it! Your adorable laugh, the way your eyes light up when you help others, that sweet quiet nature of yours. And you deal with so much shit on a daily basis. Bertholdt..I would trade lives with you in an instant just so you could be alive and well. You're so..so...breathtaking. You're my angel, you're the angel who flew down from heaven to save me from the madness."

"When I struggled with my homosexuality, I nearly committed suicide during 8th grade. No one knew, only you knew. You didn't know why I wanted to give my life away, but you knew about my suicidal tendencies. You stood by my side the entire time. The entire time. You went along with everything, letting me pretend to be happy and you held me when I cried."

By now I'm sobbing and I can't stop at all.

"And that's why...it is so damn important that you be happy and thriving. Not stuck in this damn hospital! You deserve happiness with your mom, your dreams, but most of all, with yourself. Bertholdt I want you to be happy with who you are as a person. Please for once in your life, look at yourself the same way I look at you. Because without you, my life has no meaning. I have no idea how you feel about me. But that's okay. I love you, and because I love you, I'm willing to let you go. To have your freedom so you can be happy with someone else. My heart would be broken, but seeing you live in peace is so worth it. So worth it. Bertholdt, I have loved you my entire life. But words cannot express how much I care about you and your wellbeing. I'm willing to give you up because that's how much I care about you. I don't just love you, I am devoted to you. Please.."

And with that, I finally shut my big mouth and rubbed my face into his neck taking in his scent. He smells so good despite being in the hospital for so long.

 

* * *

 

Mrs. Braun and Mrs. Fubar have been spending time with each other at the hospital. They visit whenever, not always at the same time as Reiner. Between the incident causing Bertholdt to move away and the situation that occurred recently, an uneasy peace settled between the two women. Regardless, they still managed to remain cordial and even friendly with each other for the sake of their sons.

"The weather's not too bad is it?"

"Not at all, Catherine Braun. Especially since the winter is usually a rough season."

"Well the sun's out and that's something to be positive about." Catherine cracked a smile, very much like Reiner.

"My...your son really does take after you.."

"Same with you, Bertholdt's a handsome young man."

The two women were not prepared for what was in store for them as they stood outside Bertholdt's door.

"..You're so beautiful. So heartbreakingly beautiful and you don't even know it."

Mrs. Fubar stared as she struggled to keep a calm face. Mrs. Braun didn't even bother to hide her facial expression, her mouth hanging open. They continued to silently stand, listening to every inch of Reiner's confession towards Bertholdt.

"...Bertholdt..I would trade lives with you in an instant just so you could be alive and well. You're so..so...breathtaking. You're my angel, you're the angel who flew down from heaven to save me from the madness..."

Mrs. Braun started to cry, unable to fathom how tender and heartfelt Reiner's confession is. Mrs. Fubar wrapped her arms around the other woman as Mrs. Braun started to hyperventilate from learning about Reiner's past struggle with suicide.

"Let's leave them alone for now." Mrs. Fubar gently whispered into her ear as she led her to the public cafe.

"He loves him so much that it breaks his heart. Now I know exactly why Reiner was a wreck. The amount of love he has for Bertholdt is unspeakable. Oh my God..Oh my God.."

Mrs. Fubar smiled meekly and gently rubbed Mrs. Braun's back. They didn't care that other people were sitting in nearby tables eavesdropping.

 

* * *

 

"Reiner..you need to wake up.."

I jolted awake and rubbed my groggy eyes to see Nurse Petra standing over me, an apologetic smile on her small face. "It's time for you to go home. He'll be fine. Please.. go home."

Embarrassment flooded through my entire body when I realized that the nurse walked in to see me asleep hugging Bertholdt like a teddy bear. Nodding, I packed my stuff and drove myself home that night. My mom hugged me before heading to bed. It looked like she's been crying again. Probably over the fact my dad's a shitty husband. Or maybe he's a crappy person in general. I don't know and I don't care.

The next day, I hang out with the usual gang at the mall since it's the day before winter break begins.

"Shit, I can't buy you a year's supply of cheesecake, Sasha!"

"But Conniiieeee you know I ADORE cheesecake!"

"You eat everything in sight!" Connie sputters and I laugh at his stupid face.

"Sucks Mikasa's at work today. And Jaeger's probably getting laid by Levi."

"Jean!"

"Marco! Seriously, they're not even here!"

"We've discussed how you can speak rude at times."

"Sorry..." Jean smiled and took Marco's hand in his. Marco can't seem to stay mad either as he gladly took Jean's hand before gently kissing him on the cheek.

"We can hang at my house after Christmas. My mom wants to see I have more of a social life outside of letting Krista visit everyday."

Krista giggles and replies "Your parents love me I'll have you know."

"What's not to love." Ymir's smirk earned her some brownie points as Krista kisses her.

We all walk around taking in the excited atmosphere. "I wonder how Bertholdt's doing..I need to see him."

"It's okay if you do. We perfectly understand. May we come with you?" Armin gently questions me.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to go alone."

"Okay that's fine. Bye, Reiner!"

"Bye Reiner!"

"Don't do anything stupid!"

I laugh as I head towards the hospital. Everyone there knows how I visit Bertholdt. The women at the desk know my name and automatically mention Bertholdt. The male nurse then leads me to his room no questions asked. Their support is greatly appreciated, but the fact I'm so obvious is really fucking embarrassing.

Bertholdt's still asleep when I enter the room. I do my usual with him, I sit and talk to him nonstop. I do so for the sake of giving Bertl some sort of normalcy. I don't know if he hears me or not but at least he'll have some sort of social interaction.

The ekg monitor continues beeping and suddenly, the green line spikes higher than it should be. I panic and run over to press the emergency button on Bertholdt's table. Looking over, Bertholdt's fingers give a faint nervous twitch. He's regaining consciousness! He's finally moving, oh thank you God.

Miraculously, Bertholdt slowly regains more movement as the minutes pass on by. Nurse Petra and Dr, Hange Zoe kindly help in Bertholdt's movements to make sure he's functioning properly. He opens his eyes and stares up at my face. "Reiner?.."

"Bertholdt..you just woke up and-"

Bertholdt sits up with sudden abruptness and pulls me into a bone crushing hug. "Reiner...Reiner...Ahh...Reiner..." I hear him sighing in contentment as he clutches me close to his body. The two women watch with cautious smiles before momentarily excusing themselves.

"Be careful! You just woke up! You want to hurt yourself!?"

"Reiner..you're the last person to lecture about being cautious and patient.."

I puff my cheeks in annoyance before noticing the light blush on Bertholdt's face from giggling. He's giggling, he's smiling, and he's alive. Life is finally starting to turn around. I make a mental prayer thanking the Lord Jesus or whatever religious deity that brought Bertl out of his catatonic state.

"How do you feel?"

"Sore..I heard bits and pieces here and there.. I hear you speak to me sometimes."

My face lights up and I wonder if Bertholdt heard what I said.

"Like what?"

"Well you mostly complain about Connie and school work."

"Anything else? Like my feelings?"

Bertholdt stares confused. "I'm sorry...I don't recall hearing any of that. Is there something you need to talk about?"

He...didn't hear a word of what I said. I'm relieved yet I have to confess to him how I feel. The color drains from my face and Bertholdt tentatively reaches to stroke my cheek. "Reiner? Are you okay? You're not struggling with..."

"I'm fine! Don't you dare worry about others. Worry about yourself." Greedily, I sit in the bed with him and hug him for the millionth time. "Aww...Bertl..."

"I sill don't like nicknames.."

We laugh over the trivial matter as we sit up in bed with our arms wrapped around each other.

"Hospitals are boring as hell. I can't wait for you to get home so I can help you with-" I pause realizing that Bertholdt lives far away now.

"Y...yea...." He looks down with an identical sad look on his face.

"Well...if it isn't the giraffe and rhino."

We look up and see Ymir standing there with our other friends smirking.

"You didn't have to come.." I growl annoyed.

"What..and miss the cute show? Plus he's our friend too you know."

Blushing, I awkwardly slide off the hospital bed to let Krista and Marco hug Bertholdt.

"I know the feeling." Jean whispers to me before giving me a dirty smirk.

I scoff, ignoring his remarks. No way in hell do I want to feel similarity towards Jean. Everyone eagerly asks Bertholdt a bunch of questions as I casually lean against the door watching him smile. Just like the good old days.

 

* * *

 

"Reiner I'm perfectly fine."

"Just let me take care of you!"

"I'm not made of glass."

"I don't care!"

We continue bickering until Bertholdt finally gives in and lets me baby him. Bertholdt's mom has allowed us to spend time together again. He still lives with his aunt and uncle but I don't mind driving a long way to visit him. I think the wait makes visiting him more exciting.

"Reiner...thank you for everything."

"..No...thank you for giving me the pleasure of coming into my life."

Bertholdt's eyes widen before he smiles and takes my hand. "Oh Reiner..so dramatic.."

"I'm telling the truth. I nearly lost you."

He nods and lays his head against my shoulder. "Turn on something good."

"Now you're getting demanding."

"Well you DID want to take care of me.."

I snicker and flip through the channels. "I love doing this. Just spending time with you. I would visit everyday if I could."

"You don't have to do that."

"I want to. I love being around you."

I lay with my arm around Bertholdt's shoulder as we continue to flip through the channels. Bertholdt looks so cute with his messy hair and plaid pajama pants.

"Reiner, why are you staring?"

"What? Oh...I'm just enjoying the fact it doesn't take much to make you sweat."

Bertholdt lights up bright red. "Reiner!!!!!" He tries his best to remain calm but it's too late. Bertholdt starts sweating, and it gets worse because now I'm really staring at him. He's too good looking for his own good. I ignore his irritated remarks and I let a smirk spread on my face.

"I hate when you do this to me.."

"....OH BERTL!" I jump him on the huge couch, wrapping him in my arms. "You're so cute!"

"Hey! And stop with the nicknames! Ohh Reiner! Stop!" Bertholdt complains before reluctantly laughing.

"Hello, boys." Mrs. Fubar stands there watching.

I immediately jolt and move as far away as I can from Bertholdt. Bertholdt takes cue and scoots away, pretending to look in the opposite direction.

".....You're both really obvious." Mrs. Fubar silently walks off but I hear her silently chuckle.

"That was awkward."

"Well you did hug me you know."

"Well I can do it again."

"Oh God please don't."

"Oh God I will!"

Bertholdt huffs and mutters that I need to stop mimicking him. I inch closer and my face gets close to his.

"Reiner?"

And that's when in my stupidity, my foot slips on the rug and I kiss Bertholdt.


	7. Assumptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just expect a lot of drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! I take forever to update! Exams, exams, and more exams. I personally feel this is one of my weaker chapters. Oh well, let's see where this goes :)

"Reiner?..."

I stared at Bertholdt a small blush entering my face as he stared back with confusion in his eyes.

"Yes, Bertholdt?"

Bertholdt shakily pushes me away before staring at the ground, his refusal to look at me very apparent. I felt very offended by this, but too fearful of scaring him off. I try my best to be patient as I waited for him to respond. Finally, Bertholdt looks up and starts to nervously laugh.

"Ha...ha...ha... Reiner...you're so funny. That was probably a s-silly mistake..."

My face dropped and I nervously scratch the back of my head. "Bertholdt that kiss was a mistake. But my feelings for you aren't."

"What?"

"Well there's something you need to know."

Bertholdt etches closer towards me, an unusually excited vibe ebbing from him. "Yes? What do you want to say?"

"Bertholdt, I love-"

"Bertholdt, your friends came to visit!" Mrs. Fubar enters the conjoined kitchen living room area before answering the doorbell.

"Wait, please let me tell you how I feel!"

"Reiner. I don't want to know." Bertholdt stands up and walks off to answer the door with his mom.

I felt my heart start to shrivel up, my breathing becoming more and more shallow as I struggle to breathe normally. I feel my face burning up, my eyes starting to water, my hands...they won't stop shaking.

"Hi, Ymir! Hi, Historia! Oops, you prefer Krista, I'm sorry!"

"Mom..."

"Bertholdt, as your mother, it's important for me to know that you have a healthy social life."

"Mom!"

"Haha, it's alright Mrs. Fubar. Big Bert is pretty popular at school." Ymir's sarcastic voice can be heard from down the hallway.

A vivid picture enters my mind of Bertholdt glaring at her because he hates nicknames. Footsteps start to enter the living room area and I abruptly stand up at the sound of my name from Mrs. Fubar.

"Reiner's supposed to be here, right Bertholdt?" 

Nope. Nope, Reiner's going somewhere far away. I leave through the sliding doors into the backyard before running off. My car's still there, and I drive all the way home without any regard towards the traffic around me.

 

* * *

 Bertholdt

* * *

 

"Honey, where did Reiner go?"

"I don't know, Mom."

"He was just there talking to you."

Ymir can automatically sense the tension between us unlike my mother. Thinking quickly, she shakes my mother's hand. "Thanks for having us. We need to talk to Bertholdt about something concerning the uh..swim team."

My mother shoots Ymir a look, she knows that something isn't right. Like me, she has a heightened sense of a change in atmosphere as she kindly nods before walking upstairs.

"Here! Have some cookies, Reiner- er I mean...they're your favorite." Krista struggles to find the right words before Ymir kisses her on the forehead.

"Ahh my Krista, you're so sweet.."

"Ymir, not in front of Bertholdt!"

We're sitting on my couch now and I let them talk to each other for a few minutes.

"Bertholdt. Why are you sitting there shaking?"

Krista's concerned face reminds me of where I am.

"Did Reiner do something?"

"I don't want to talk about Reiner!"

"Don't yell at Krista! You men are so full of shit! How can you two be fighting when he stood by your side the entire time you were in the hospital!?" Ymir's ready to pounce of me, but Krista holds her back.

".....he kissed me."

"Well it's about fucking time...."

"Oh...w-wait! WHAT!?"

"Gee, Bert. You're unusually vocal today."

"Please be serious, Ymir!"

"Oh shit. Don't tell me."

"Huh?"

Krista goes to intervene but she feels too uncomfortable to say anything.

"You can't be that fucking oblivious!"

"Ymir, his mother is in the house!"

Ymir shoots Krista an apologetic look before continuing. "Reiner likes you, you crazy giraffe!"

"He does!?"

"No shit, sherlock! When you're not around, all he does is stare at you! Or talk to you! Whatever, it involves you! Why do you think he's constantly around anymore!? When you were in the hospital, that crazy bastard nearly destroyed the emergency room! He visited you every FUCKING day!"

"Ymir! Stop yelling!"

"I don't give a shit! He needs to know the truth! I'm tired of these damn games!" Ymir angrily grabbed me by the cuff of my shirt. "I don't hate you, but I'm done with the nonstop head games."

Krista gently removed Ymir's hand from my shirt before asking me a question. "Bertholdt, did Reiner confess his feelings?"

"...He tried to..."

"Shit! Krista, our timing sucked! We got in the middle of Reiner's confession!"

Krista stuffs a cookie into Ymir's mouth. "Did you say anything?"

My head hurts from all the new information before I realize that I hastily pushed Reiner away when I went to answer the door. It suddenly dawns on me that Reiner ran off because of what I said. "Oh no. Oh no, I'm an idiot."

"Bertholdt?" Krista and Ymir give each other worried looks.

Embarrassed tears start to well up in my eyes and I shove my face into my hands. "Reiner probably wants nothing to do with me anymore!"

"Come on, it can't be that bad."

"I told him I wasn't interested, Ymir!"

"Never mind then." Ymir doesn't even bother trying to yell at me anymore. She just awkwardly walks into the kitchen area. "I need some Advil from all this bullshit.."

"Krista, what do I do?"

Krista blinks surprised. "Um well, let's not jump to conclusions."

"We're already past the point of no return." Ymir's voice echoing from the kitchen.

"Well, how do you feel about him?"

"Feel?"

"Your emotions, you idiot. You know, are you attracted to him?" Ymir interrupts the conversation between Krista and I.

"Uh...holy shit that's a good question!"

"Please calm down! You're covered in sweat!"

"Uh..I don't know..well umm...Reiner...uh Reiner likes me...and he's gay....and I..um...big booty bitches? Damn you Reiner and your stupid songs about the ass!"

"Krista, I think he's gone insane."

"Oh Ymir, you obviously don't remember the drama you caused when you wouldn't admit your feelings for me. Don't forget Jean and Marco."

"Please, those two were fucking impossible. Jean was a jackass and Marco was too much of a pussy to actually say something. It wasn't his fault, I don't see what's so great about horse face anyways.."

"Ymir, we both know I'm the only one who actually likes you. You tend to push people away with your aggressiveness."

"...I know...Hey! Where did he go?"

I ran up the stairs and into my room.

"Bertholdt?"

"I'm fine, Mom!"

Entering my room, I search for some clothes to put on. I can't just go into the public eye looking like this. I need to find Reiner and tell him the truth. Everything is thrown around and smelly.

"Um honey, I threw all your clothes downstairs.." My mother hands me an outfit before walking into her room.

Oh god. Mom. Why. Just. Why. I look down and question her fashion sense. My mother has a very good fashion sense, she's very attractive for a woman her age. The only problem is that I prefer clothes with darker clothes so I'm less...noticeable..Instead, I'm staring at brown flip flops, dark red skinny jeans, and a sleeveless black and white stripped tank top.

I guess I have no choice as I hastily put on the ridiculous outfit before returning downstairs. Ymir and Krista are sitting on my couch making out before they notice me.

"Well somebody got sexy."

My face turns bright red like my jeans. "My..mom..picked out my outfit."

"She did well. It makes your ass look great." Ymir snickers before Krista covers her mouth giggling.

"I look fat!?"

"No, you idiot! Those words never left my mouth!"

Krista jumped up and down. "Bertholdt, are we going on a road trip?"

"I want..to..uh..find...Reiner..."

"Let's go! About fucking time! WOO HOO!" Ymir runs out the front door screaming. "NOW WE'RE FINALLY GOING SOMEWHERE!"

"Don't mind her. That's why I love her." Krista takes my hand, leading me outside.

"I'M DRIVING!" Ymir's already in the front of the car.

Krista sits in the passenger seat. "I say we go to Reiner's house first."

"Ymir, be careful!"

She doesn't listen as she steps on the gas pedal blasting us out of my neighborhood. I get a fleeting image of my mother standing at her bedroom window waving. Is she..laughing?

 

* * *

 Reiner

* * *

 

"He probably fucking hates me."

Marco awkwardly smiles, too uncomfortable to say anything as we sit outside at the ice cream shop. "The weather's nice out, isn't it?"

"Bertholdt hates my ass!"

"We heard you a million times." Jean groans before handing Marco his chocolate chip mint ice cream.

"Thank you, Jean." Marco giggles before kissing Jean on the cheek. Jean lights up bright red before eating his own ice cream.

"Thanks for not getting me anything."

"I'm not dating you, jackass."

"Jean!"

"Well he is! What ever he did must have pissed off Bertholdt really bad."

"Oh dammit!" I place my head on the table. "Please, just let the ground swallow me up."

"Don't be dramatic."

"Shut up."

"You shut up."

"Make me."

Jean goes to place his hand over my face but it's too late. Within a few minutes, we're both standing up while I have my arm around Jean's head. "Nice hair, you dying it again?"

"You're ruining my hair, stop you asshole! Marco!"

Marco nervously laughs at the scene despite the looks strangers are giving at their table.

"Reiner, you bastard.." Jean groans before resting his head on Marco's shoulder.

"Don't be a baby, Kirstein."

"I'm not a baby!"

"You kinda are.." Marco giggles.

"Marco!" Jean stomps off into the parking lot area.

"Should we follow him? I don't want him getting hit by a car."

"I doubt it. So tell me what happened."

"Well uh..Bert and I were getting along just fine. We were watching TV...and then I accidentally kissed him. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. I tried to explain my feelings but he was like not interested. Ymir and Krista were visiting so I ran off."

"Maybe it's just a simple misunderstanding." Marco tries to reassure me. "It happens, I mean Jean was so awkward when he tried to confess his feelings."

"If you knew, why did you make him confess?"

An unusual evil smirk entered Marco's face and he started snickering.

"Oh you're pretty fucking sick. Those innocent freckles sure hide your real motives."

Jean returns and sits down next to Marco. "What's going on?"

"We're talking about you, Jean."

"What about me!?"

Marco bursts out laughing, and places a dab of mint ice cream on Jean's cheek.

"Marco, what the-"

Jean struggles to look calm which is the exact opposite when Marco licks the ice cream off.

"Uh...I think I'm going to go. You're both starting to freak me out.."

"Wait! We want to help you! Honest!"

Jean's too busy smirking at Marco to even give a shit about my presence anymore.

"Just..be sincere. I promise everything will work out. Bertholdt's a good guy. You always had something positive to say, so...just keep trying." Marco smiles sincerely as Jean starts eating his ice cream.

I give them a brief nod before walking off. What I needed was something to get my mind off of Bertholdt so I head for the local mall. Girls and guys alike flirt with me as I sit at the bench in the food court. I mean damn, I'm pretty sexy.

"Oh my god, did you see that sexy man with the red pants?"

"Yes, he was so hot!"

"I'd have sex with him in a minute!"

"Yaaasssss, what a looker. Damn I'm horny."

The two girls keep giggling about mystery red pants man before walking off. I don't miss their gazes before I hear them faintly referring to me as the 'sexy blond beast.' Girls are pretty sexy. So are guys. But they're not Bertholdt. I silently curse myself for having unrequited love for someone else.

 

* * *

Bertholdt

* * *

 

"Damn I can't believe he wasn't home." Ymir groans as we walk around the mall exhausted.

"We gave his poor Mom quite a scare. I hope she's okay."

I awkwardly stare at the ground with my hands in the pocket. "I want to go home..."

"We just got here, you crazy giraffe."

"Ymir!"

"People...are...staring at me. My height freaks out people, you know this!"

"It's not just your height...so oblivious why do I even bother.."

"Come on, Bertholdt! Why don't we eat some pretzels!"

"Yeah. I'm fucking hungry."

I sigh as I follow the girls towards the pretzel stand. "I'll pay.." I silently mutter, ignoring the stares from the people around me.

"You're cute."

"Thanks-huh?" I look down and see a tall man scrutinizing my appearance.

"Here's my card. We could use some strippers." He walks off, leaving a card in my hand.

"Bertholdt! Why are you standing there? Come join us!" Krista waves me over to where she and Ymir are sitting.

The pretzel tastes delicious as we numbly discuss the situation regarding Reiner and I. Ymir snatches the card from my hand and starts guffawing when I tell her about a man inviting me to perform at a stripper club.

"This is priceless.."

"Leave him alone, Ymir."

We notice Connie and Sasha walking over to greet us. Sasha has a huge Chick-fil-A with her as Connie struggles to carry all her bags of clothes and food.

"What's up guys!" Sasha sits down before eating the waffle fries. "You guys want some?"

"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Connie looks at me.

"Reiner confessed his feelings but Bertholdt rejected him. Now Bertholdt feels like a dick, and we can't find Reiner."

Ymir's blunt explanation of the incident makes me feel embarrassed and I start blushing.

"Oh! Aww I'm sorry. I'm glad Reiner finally said something, we waited FOREVER."

"Sasha's right. Reiner is so obviously homo for Bertholdt."

"I'm right..here." Irritation flows through my body. "Wait! You guys knew too!?"

Connie and Sasha stare at each other. "Uh...we all did."

"Reiner told all of you guys!?"

"No! He didn't say anything! We could just tell because it's..kinda obvious." Krista uncomfortably looks at everyone but me.

"Really fucking obvious. Holy shit."

Sasha laughs and high fives Ymir. "Bert, you didn't notice the way Reiner looks at you all the time?"

"He's done that for years. I saw the creepy jackass sitting on the balcony of the pool center watching your varsity swim team practices several times."

"He's...always done..that..." I uncomfortably admit.

"Imagine him trying to swim. The guy sinks like a rock." Connie snickers before eating some waffle fries with Sasha.

All this time, for years Reiner was always in love with me. And I never noticed, I always thought he felt sorry for me. But why me? I'm not that great, I'm socially awkward and I like to avoid people. Reiner's the reason I even have any friends. Why would like me? And people flirt with him constantly, he's star of the football and lacrosse teams. By now, he should like someone else. Not me, it shouldn't be me. Wait. What are MY feelings? Do I like him? Of course, he's my best friend. But...do I like him more than that?

"Earth to Bertholdt! I see Reiner walking into the Apple store over there!"

I realize Sasha's been waving her hand in my face for the past five minutes.

"Get up, you idiot! Don't lose him!" Ymir pushes me out of my seat.

"You got this, man!" Connie high fives me and Krista hugs me.

I nervously run off towards the Apple store, losing Reiner in the crowd of people. Reiner keeps walking, not knowing that I'm right behind.

"Hello, sir. Do you have a reservation at the genius bar?"

"Not now!" I push the employee away, feeling ashamed of my unusually rude behavior.

I look around and realize that Reiner's gone. "Oh hell." I groan before I run into someone. "Out of my way!"

"Bertholdt? What are you doing here?"

I blush, realizing the person I bumped into is Reiner himself!

"Bertholdt?" Reiner stares confused, hurt obvious in his eyes.

"I-I need to t-t-talk to you, Reiner."

Reiner sizes me up and down before remarking that I look like a wreck.

"My mom made me wear the stupid cheesy outfit." I groan, silently thanking Reiner for leading me out of the crowded store.

"So...what do you want?"

I look at Reiner realizing that I may not get another chance.

"There's something I need to tell you. Something really important."

Reiner crosses his arms, patiently waiting for me to speak.

I shuffle nervously, placing my hands in my pocket. My courage and voice suddenly leaving my throat.

"Well?..." He asks me.

I look at him scared, and he looks back at me with confusion.

And like that, everything around us disappears. I see him and he sees me.

"Bertholdt?..."


	8. Sometimes, the Truth Can Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bertholdt's unsure of his feelings towards Reiner and Reiner feels that he has too much baggage for Bertholdt. Is Bertholdt unintentionally leading Reiner on or is Reiner being too pushy?
> 
> If they're not careful, someone's bound to end up hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking three months to update!

* * *

Reiner

* * *

 

I'm laying in my room staring at the ceiling painfully rehearsing Bertholdt's words in my head at the mall last weekend. It never occurred to me how much pressure and baggage I mistakingly placed upon him all this time.

_Does he hate me now?_

I shake my head at the stupid question. Bertholdt definitely cares about me it's been shown by his loyalty and quiet inner strength I always admired.

_But is it enough?_

Bertholdt shakily told me that I had to wait a few days since he still lived so far away. We planned on meeting up today so we could hash things out and get everything off our chests. He looked grateful when he flashed me that sexy crooked smile of his before nervously chewing on his bottom lip.

_What is eating at him? Why won't he tell me?_

The doorbell rings and with great trepidation, I stride over and answer it. Standing there is Bertholdt wearing light gray sweats, sandals, and a red plaid shirt with sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His bangs are starting to get too long as he wipes them from the rim of his glasses.

"I lost my contacts.." Bertholdt lamely muttered before following me into the living room. 

"So now we finally get to talk about things."

Bertholdt swallows and gulps before fidgeting with his glasses for the millionth time. Something is obviously eating at him but I know better than to rush him. Besides corny nicknames, Bertholdt always hated being rushed. He would give this angry almost creepy stare if you ever looked impatient at the way he did things. Even Ymir knew better after a few instances of Bertholdt's famous demonic glare.

"I know you're in love with me Reiner but I don't think I can do this anymore. It's too much for me, I can't even-"

"Wait what!?"

"Let me finish! I know I sound really selfish and you have every right to loathe me after all you've done for me the past few months but I just don't think it will work out. I'm Reiner oh my god I'm so sorry."

My mind decides to go blank and I vaguely notice my feet carrying me away from Bertholdt and into the kitchen. I can barely hear his feeble attempts to call my name. The feeling of dread entered in my chest area near my heart since I could already tell there was an uneasy vibe between us. As he mentioned those painful words, I felt my chest painfully clench and throb. The tears started to well up in my eyes and I couldn't even look at him.

"Reiner-"

"Don't you dare say my name."

Looking scared, Bertholdt respectfully stops following and stands staring at my back. His obedient demeanor only pisses me off even more before I whirl around at him with tears in my eyes.

"What the hell!? Are you saying that after ALL THIS TIME YOU WERE LEADING ME ON!?"

"Wait a minute! I wouldn't do that-"

"I have been in love with you since we were probably like fucking five years old! I'm sorry am I too much of a monster to you? You can't wait to get away from me can you!? I always get you into trouble. Am I not good enough for you? What! I'm too loud and obnoxious?!"

_What the hell is happening to me? Why am I being so vicious? I can't seem to control my body anymore. The ugly words won't stop leaving my mouth._

"I'm sorry that I'm not perfect enough for BERTHOLDT FUCKING PERFECT FUBAR! Well you know what!? You're not the sweet little fucking angel everyone thinks you are! You're just like your last name. You're fucked up beyond all repeair."

Bertholdt stood there shuddering and the weird gasping noises wouldn't stop. His eyes were covered in tears and he bursts out crying. All of a sudden, I was brought back into the situation in the right state of mind. It was too late, the damage already done when the tall man in front of me literally shriveled in front of me. I stood there looming over him for what seemed like a half hour as he continued to cry.

"Bertholdt-"

"NO. NOW IT'S MY FUCKING TURN, REINER!" Bertholdt shot up so quickly that I felt frightened for the first time. "DO YOU HONESTLY THINK THAT I DON'T FEEL THANKFUL FOR YOUR KINDNESS!? I THOUGHT WE COULD CALMLY TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT BUT APPARENTLY WE FUCKING CAN'T! I THOUGHT WE COULD JUST TAKE A SHORT BREAK TO SORT OUT OUR FEELINGS! I'M SORRY THAT I NEVER KNEW ALL THESE YEARS ABOUT HOW YOU FELT ABOUT ME. ALL THOSE TIMES I WAS SO FUCKING STUPID! UGH! BUT IT'S TOO FUCKING LATE. I NOW KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME. I'M DONE WITH YOUR SHIT, REINER!"

And with that, Bertholdt turns away and angrily stomps towards my front door.

"Bertholdt wait! GET BACK HERE! LET ME EXPLAIN!"

"I'm such a loser push over fuck up to you! Stop following me!" Bertholdt screams back at me as he climbs into his car.

I run over to the car but Bertholdt revs up the engine and speeds away. I stand on my front lawn listening to the screeching of his car tires throughout my entire neighborhood.

_Nice job. You really know how to ruin everything, Reiner._

 

* * *

 

With Christmas literally two days away, everyone was busy with finals. Bertholdt made it aware that he didn't want to bother with anyone. Krista anxiously told us that he would study in the library in isolation practically every single day. Although Bertholdt was the quietest person in the group, the lack of his presence had a large impact on us.

Of course everyone was pissed at me as they should be. I'm surprised they still let me sit with them at lunch in all honesty. Ymir was so enraged that she took her fair share of screaming at me over the phone when she found out what happened.

Connie and Sasha were telling us yet another stupid story about how they got away with pranking the school janitor when Bertholdt abruptly slammed down his lunch tray across the table from me. I looked up and he gave me his demonic stare causing everyone to exchange worried glances at each other.

"Nice going, Reiner." Ymir snickered.

Bertholdt continued to eat in an almost vicious manner scaring the living shit out of Jean. Jean made Marco sit next to him and he continued to nervously stare at his own food.

"Somebody say something." He muttered.

"So uh...what are your plans?" Armin managed to muster some courage.

"I'm going on a date this weekend with Annie."

"WHAT!?"

"THE FUCK!?"

"Well this is fucking rich." Ymir yawned and walked off dragging Krista with her.

"You can't date her! She's a crazy bitch!" Eren sputtered despite Mikasa's attempts to calm him down.

"I do what I want." This was Bertholdt's only response and we all continued to eat.

I look up to see Bertholdt flashing me a smirk. The smirk makes me shudder, I've never seen Bertholdt so angry in my entire life.

 

* * *

 

"Mom I'm home!" I call and look around wondering where she is.

Turning around the corner I see her stand there in the living room with my fucking Dad. Well this is absolutely perfect, what else could possibly go wrong?

"Hello, son." He formally shakes my hand and my mom refuses to look at me in the face.

"He's only visiting for a few days, we'll be a family."

_Fat chance you cheating bastard._

 

* * *

Bertholdt

* * *

 

"BERTHOLDT! YOU NEED TO GET READY IN TIME FOR YOUR DATE!" 

My mother calls my name from downstairs as I attempt to button up my white dress shirt in a quick fashion. Running down the stairs, I face my mother who is already waiting for me.

"How do I look?"

"Handsome as always. Just like your father." She sighs and continues to give me this penetrating stare. She obviously knows that something is wrong but she doesn't say anything. I ignore the thought for now and drive my way to Annie's house which is about a half hour away.

Annie's house is a two story articulately decorated building with even cut grass and perfectly cut flower bushes. Her parents tend to be obsessive compulsive with regards to the exterior of their house. My thoughts drifted towards a certain someone but that only caused a pain in my heart. I can't even bring myself to let his name enter my mind. If I do, I'll probably go mad and do something stupid.

Knocking on the door, Annie's father answers before calmly letting me in. Her parents are just like her, calm and calculating. I always thought she had more of her father's personality especially since he's a policeman. Her mother works as an accountant yet manages to look immaculate all the time. They always made an intimidating family whenever they appeared at school functions glaring at everyone.

Annie calmly walked over wearing a sapphire blue one shoulder dress with white dress pumps. Her hair gracefully framed her shoulders and I appreciated how the color of her dress matched her eyes. Desire swirled within me and I questioned why in the hell I felt feelings towards a certain someone when I still like Annie, who is obviously female.

"Let's go." Annie curtly walked past me and left the door. Her parents didn't even act upset, they merely left the hallway into their huge fancy kitchen.

The Leonhardts weren't known for being talkative people. We silently drove to the restaurant and I took pleasure in her calm silent demeanor.

"So, you finally stopped letting that idiot push you around huh.."

I turn to see Annie staring at me with an amused look in her eyes despite her usual frown.

"I'd rather not talk about him."

"Okay. Not that I care, I just find it unusual."

She doesn't push the subject any further since she noticed my knuckles whitening on the steering wheel.

We enter a nicely lit restaurant called Hoof Beats. The restaurant is owned by Jean's parents and known for having the best French food in the entire town. They had more than French food, their traditional American entrees were always on point. Along with their huge dessert menu and pleasant atmosphere. The restaurant is so famous that it's been mentioned in famous food magazines several times. The Kirsteins own many restaurants across the nation but this one is their original.

After we take our order, we both sit there awkwardly staring at each other.

"Let's get to the point already. You obviously got into a fight with Reiner."

"Can we please not mention his name?"

"I'm mentioning him because it's obvious that you're an idiot. You take me on a date yet I can tell you have feelings for him."

"But I'm not gay."

"You're probably bisexual, you moron."

In the back of my mind, I start to understand why Eren and Connie always referred to her as a surely bitch. I don't mind her sharp tone and I always liked her quick wit.

"The food is nice."

"Ahh yes. Thank you for taking me out. My parents were nervous about how tall you are. I could tell from their faces when they met you."

My mind swirled in remembrance of her parents. They looked as frightening as her and just as poker faced. I couldn't believe that they were even remotely scared of me.

We drove to her house in silence and open the door to let her out of the car.

"I think you're making a mistake."

"What do you mean?" Her tone makes me feel confused.

"You belong with Reiner." That's all she says as she enters her house leaving me to stand outside in confusion.

 

* * *

Reiner

* * *

 

My head hurts from irritation towards my Dad. He's such a pain in the ass, I always wondered what he was like sober and now I know. Everything has to be his way or the highway. I don't know why my Mom still puts up with his shit of all people. If he makes me scrub the counter one more time, I swear I'm going to scream.

_**Bump!** _

I know better than to walk around in lost thought in the hallway. I'm so big that I easily knock people over as we both land on the floor in pain.

"Sorry man.." I lend a hand and realize that it's Bertholdt I accidentally ran over. 

Unsurprisingly, Bertholdt rejects my hand and abruptly stands up. I assume he's going to stomp off as usual and I probably deserve it. Instead, Bertholdt surprises me when he roughly grabs me by the shirt and kisses me in the middle of the fucking hallway surrounded by everyone.

Nearly everyone stops walking and kids start whispering in our direction. I hear some of my peers hooting and hollering.

"What the hell!?"

"There's faggots in our school!"

"The fuck!?"

"About time!"

"KEEP MOVING YOU DIPSHITS!" Ymir's voice immediately springs everyone into action and the usual noise rises again.

"Well well well. What do we have here?" Ymir laughs and smacks Bertholdt's back. "About fucking time!"

Bertholdt blushes and finally looks like his usual self again. He stares at his ground before grumbling feeble excuses.

"So tell me how you did it, Reiner. Because you're the one who fucked up."

"I know, Ymir! No need to remind me!"

Bertholdt scratches the back of his head. "I like you, okay? I really like you. I like you so much that I can't control this weird happy feeling. When I see you, I feel so disoriented. I didn't know these feelings were outside of friendship and I liked Annie so I felt confused. But then she introduced me to other sexualities besides straight and gay-"

"Oh just shut up." I cut off his lame speech and kiss again in the hallway not giving a flying shit.

Ymir rolls her eyes but mouths that I owe her the details later. Kissing Bertholdt feels amazing and we continue to do so in public. We don't care and I can't stop taking in his beautiful taste. My misgivings disappear as I devilishly rub my hands up and down his muscular sides.

"Rrrr! Rrrr- Reiner!" Bertholdt abruptly pushes me away and gasps for air. "You always get too carried away!"

"You're the one who kissed me first!" I throw my head back laughing before hugging him again. "You smell good."

"I'm sorry."

"Stop. I should be sorry."

"One thing though."

"What?"

"What are we now? We just kissed.."

I notice the sweat all over his face and Bertholdt's bangs are messed up. He stands there shaking with his neck all exposed. Bertholdt is so sexy looking so I just shrug and take his hand.

"I don't know. Let's just see what happens I guess."

We walk to Bertholdt's advanced placement calculus class holding hands without a care in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I sound petty since this chapter is written in remembrance for a certain someone who broke my heart earlier today.


	9. Dilemma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner and Bertholdt start their newfound relationship with a rather abrupt start. Of course, homosexual relationships rarely go unnoticed by everyone else within the same vicinity.
> 
> Have some scenes of laughter, confusion, and Bertholdt's tendency to stress over everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My main goal is to make the relationship between Reiner and Bertholdt as real as possible. I try to keep them in character for the sake of Hajime Isayama.
> 
> Reiner and Bertholdt are flawed people with their own demons to conquer. There are going to be good times and bad times. They will argue with each other and forgive each other like normal couples.
> 
> Relationships are not perfect and I intend to portray them as human as possible.
> 
> (I need to update more often. I can since I now have the magical wifi yay!)

* * *

Bertholdt

* * *

 

I came home that night flustered and on edge. I can't even fathom what the hell just happened between Reiner and I.

_Reiner and I kissed. In school. In public. In front of everyone. And for some surprising reason,YOU are the one who started this mess. What were you thinking!? Do you like him? Be honest with yourself, Bertholdt! Well wait a minute, of course I like Reiner. He can be brash, arrogant, impulsive and a complete asshole. But he's also patient, kind, a born leader, confident, and the most lovable man on-_

"Bertholdt? You're playing with your food again." 

"W-whaat!? I'm fine!"

"Honey, I am your mother. If there's something you need to talk about, you can always tell me."

My mom's kind gaze sends chills down my spine. How can I bear to tell her that I'm her only son and invested in a relationship with another man? I nearly drove her insane when I had a huge crush on Annie. If I told her about Reiner, what would she say? She would be disappointed, I'm her only child and I wouldn't be able to give her the joy of grandkids. Well Reiner and I could adopt but that's besides the point.

_WAIT! ADOPT!? DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST CONSIDER MARRYING REINER AND HAVING CHILDREN WITH HIM!?_

"Bertholdt your face is bright red! Are you running a fever?"

"I'm fine, Mom! I just need to uh do some school work! I have my end of the year AP Chemistry exam I need to excel at for college credit!" I run up the stairs leaving her alone at the kitchen table. I feel terrible, since when do I act so shady around my own mother? Usually I help her clean the dishes, but no I'm in my room acting like a lovesick idiot!

Opening the door, I walk back downstairs and offer to help her clean the dishes. Surprisingly, the table's already clean and my mom is nowhere to be seen. Hearing the tv from the distance, I realize that she's in the other room watching a dorky reality tv show called _The_   _Housewives of New York City._  I chuckle as I listen to her comment about the strained relationship between two random women named Ramona and Aviva.

Back in my room again and I notice a flashing light at the bottom of my laptop screen. Someone is messaging me on Facebook. Logging on I see that Connie has pulled everyone into a rather nonsensical group chat the chat name being **MY NAME IS CONNIE AND I HAVE A BIG COCK!**

Scrolling up, I patiently read the messages I have missed. Dread washes over me when I immediately realize this chatroom is about Reiner and I.

 

**Sasha: What da hell is going on wit ur stupid chat name!?!?!?!?!?**

**Connie: Shuddup! its cool!**

**Sasha: Bullshit!**

**Ymir: Alrite fucktards what the hell is going on???**

**Connie: Were going 2 grill Reiner n Bert about dere relationship.**

**Ymir: ENGLISH YOU BALD EAGLE.**

**Armin: Come on guys, let's give them a break. I'm sure they're aware of the attention they've caused.**

**Krista: Reiner's online and he sees our messages. But he's not saying anything.**

**Ymir: Creepy bastard. Marco and Jean are too busy fucking as well.**

**Jean: SAY THAT TO MY FACE YOU BITCH.**

**Marco: JEAN WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT CURSING AT OTHER PEOPLE! Ugh why do I even bother?..**

**Mikasa: ...**

**Eren: Can we get to the point already? I'm busy.**

**Mikasa: No you're not. Instead of doing your school work you are probably masturbating.**

**Eren: NOT TRUE!**

**Mikasa: I am downstairs and I can barely do Calculus because I can hear you moaning.**

**Armin: umm....**

**Ymir: HOLY SHIT THIS IS RICH!**

**Connie: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!**

**Jean: Ha your sad ass can't get laid!**

 

**Eren logged off.**

**Connie added Eren to the group chat.**

 

**Eren: THE FUCK CONNIE!?**

**Connie: U cant escape!**

**Sasha: dodjkskc;d'sljvds iolkjfew**

**Connie: SASHA WAT DA HELL.**

**Sasha: uslafjewjf**

**Sasha: fjeiowhfelkfe**

**Ymir: The fuck!?**

**Sasha: Sorry guys I spilled food all over the keyboard.**

**Armin: It's not a good idea to eat and drink around electronics.**

**Sasha: Ill keep that in mind.**

**Ymir: REINER YOU SHIT SAY SOMETHING!**

**Reiner: Something.**

 

**Reiner logged off.**

**Connie added Reiner to the group chat.**

**Reiner logged off.**

**Connie added Reiner to the group chat.**

 

**Reiner: Persistent little shit..**

 

Amused though I was, I continued reading their bantering before deciding to take part myself.

 

**Me: Hi.**

**Connie: Really Bert? Just hi???????????**

**Me: I don't like nicknames. You know this, Connie.**

**Reiner: Yeah he doesn't like nicknames.**

**Connie: Aww the most adorable gay couple ever!!!!**

**Ymir: Sasha I feel sorry for you.**

**Sasha: wejfewjfew sorry spilled honey on the keyboard this time.**

**Connie: DA FUCK UR DOING WIT HONEY!?**

**Eren: This is pointless.**

**Armin: I find this amusing.**

**Mikasa: Well, I suppose so.**

 

**Marco logged off.**

**Jean logged off.**

**Connie: Figures.**

**Ymir: I bet theyre doing the spread eagle.**

**Krista: Oh Ymir~**

**Ymir: Ahh my Krista~**

**Eren: Gag me with a spoon plz**

**Ymir: Shut it Yeager.**

 

**Jean logged back on.**

 

**Jean: I saw that you pretentious shit!**

 

**Marco logged back on.**

 

**Armin: We're not getting to the point of this conversation.**

**Connie: oh yea! we wanna know wen where y n how u guys got 2gether**

**Reiner: None of your business dipshit.**

**Me: .......**

**Connie: aww u guys r no fun at all!**

**Eren: Connie why dont you focus on your own goddamn relationship.**

**Reiner: I agree with Mr. Temper over here.**

**Me: Likewise.**

**Connie: guys! shit! gotta log off bcuz im grounded!**

 

**Connie logged off.**

 

**Ymir: Never going along with his bullshit ever again..**

 

**Ymir logged off.**

 

One by one, everyone else logged off before I decided to exit out of Facebook. Scrolling through my Itunes, I let the music from The Black Keys fill my room as I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. In all honesty, I finished my school work two hours ago. Sighing, I look at the clock. It's only 7:17 p.m.

 

* * *

Reiner

* * *

 

"Reiner, please eat your vegetables. I'm not going to tell you again." My mom sighs in annoyance before giving my dad a nervous glance.

"You should listen to your mother, Reiner. Or you will have to take it with me." My dad glares at me from across the table.

"I don't have to listen to anything you lying bastard.." I mutter ruefully.

 

My dad stands up at full speed. "Say that again you little brat!"

"Steven sit down!" My mom is standing too and she's pleading for my dad to calm down.

His face is bright red from anger and for once in my life, I don't give a shit about what he thinks.

 

"You heard me! You're not a real dad! I don't give a shit about blood relations! You're a lying, no good, homophobic-"

 

I can't even finish the rest when my dad throws his glass of beer at my face. My head feels numb but I can't stop I'm so fucking pissed. He grabs me and we're both on the kitchen floor beating the crap out of each other.

 

"YOU WORTHLESS SELFISH NO GOOD SON OF A BITCH!" He's shouting, his words are so ugly. I can't even shout back at him, I'm too busy trying to return his punches.

 

"THAT'S ENOUGH THE BOTH OF YOU OFF THE FLOOR NOW!" With brute force, mom pushes us apart, sheer anger in her eyes. "Steven, get out."

"Catherine you're kidding me. This is my house."

"I don't care. I don't want you here."

"You hypocritical woman. You complain all year that I'm never home. I'm finally here and two days before fucking Christmas-"

"I SAID GET OUT, STEVEN! I don't care! I can't take it anymore! While I work my ASS off at work and at home trying to raise our son on MY own, you go around screwing every other woman in sight! I do not deserve this AT ALL! Steven you are to pack up your bags and get out or I'm calling the cops."

 

I stare in amazement at my mom's bravery, her anger protecting her from my dad's wrath.

 

"Fine. I don't need you or your faggot of a son anyway." My dad smirks at me.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I stare at him scared.

"Your mom may not know, but I do. I saw your text messages once. You spend too much time with that Fubar kid." My dad leaves the room and stomps upstairs to pack up his belongings.

 

We wait in stunned silence until my dad finally walks downstairs with his suitcase and two huge backs full of of his belongings. He shoots us a final dirty look before leaving the front door. We breathe a sigh of relief after we hear his car speed up and drive away.

 

Mom turns and places both of her hands on my shoulders. "Reiner, we need to sit down and have an important discussion."

"Mom can't this wait?"

"REINER- Reiner! Just please.. sit down! This is important and should be discussed before you go to college!"

 

I numbly sit down feeling scared of what my mom might say.

"I've known for months about you having feelings for Bertholdt. But for years I wondered if you were gay. Even when you were with Krista."

"Even with Krista? But we would-"

"Spare me the details, Reiner and let me finish. I'm not upset but I'm not happy. Honestly, I'm scared for you about well everything! The world does not take kindly to people who are well...gay! I'm so scared that people are going to hurt you and I can't bear to lose you. You're my only son and despite your scumbag of a father, I am not embarrassed to be your mother." Mom has little tears in her eyes before she wipes them away.

 

Filled with emotion that I kept down for years, I burst out crying and wrap her in my arms. We're all pretty tall but people often mistake my mom for my younger sister. We both sit crying together before staring at the tv exhausted.

 

"I think you should go see Bertholdt."

"Really? Why?" 

"Reiner you are so dense sometimes. Just go. I'll be fine and if your father tries to come back, I'll just call the cops. It's not a big deal."

"You sure?"

"Before I change my mind, Reiner!"

 

I run out the door not waiting another moment before I can see Bertholdt again.

 

* * *

Bertholdt

* * *

 

The sound of the doorbell ringing jolts me awake from my awkward thirty minute nap. Rolling around in pain, I accidentally knock over my school books before groggily sitting up.

 

"Bertholdt! Reiner's at the door!"

"REINER!?" I scream a little too loud as I run barreling down the stairs.

"Bertholdt, please put a shirt on!" My mom stands there with her hands on her hips. Despite her tone of voice, she looks way too amused.

"Uh..hi.." Reiner's face is bright red and I notice a bulge in his pants.

"R-Reiner!!!"

"Bertholdt. Shirt. Now. Please." My mom hands me a shirt before walking off.

"Wait Mom-

"He can stay over I don't care."

 

Did she actually sound sarcastic? Reiner still stands there drooling like a little puppy. I'm blushing bright red and trying to not pay attention to his obvious bulge in his pants. My god this is so awkward it's painful. We retreat upstairs to my room in silence before I lay on my bed. Reiner lays next to me before staring in silence.

 

"My mom kicked him out of the house."

"Well that's good actually. I'm proud of her."

"I know, but I hope she's safe." Worry etched in Reiner's face, I unknowingly take his hand in mine.

"Do you want to explain what happened?"

Reiner groaned. "We yelled at each other, beat each other up on the floor before my mom pulled us apart. Ugly words were said and needless to say, the bastard's finally gone." Instead of looking relieved, Reiner seemed scared and very uncomfortable.

 

"More things happened. Tell me what happened." I squeeze his hand.

"He called me a faggot."

 

Abruptly, I sit up with panic in my chest. "He what? How did your mother react?"

Reiner sat up as well and shrugged indifferently. "She was pissed but after a while she told me that she thought I was gay for quite sometime. Even when I dated Krista!"

I fought the urge to giggle. "Reiner you dated her for like a week. Then she ran off with Ymir. Connie joked that you made her lesbian, remember?"

 

Reiner blushed and gave me that stupid grin I always liked. "I would stop if I were you.."

"What?" I grin back at him, not afraid to tease him.

"Because you're really turning me on right now."

"Reiner, she's downstairs!"

"Like I give a shit."

 

Before I know it, Reiner's on top of me and he's purposely laying his huge body on top of mine. I can feel his weight pressing my legs and my crotch area. My chest is heaving before he roughly presses his face against mine. He's nuzzling me before he starts to gently kiss me. I'm surprised at how gentle he is as he continues to kiss me. The only sound filling my room is our kissing. The Black Keys is still playing in the background but at a very low volume this time. His lips are soft and they remind me of cinnamon. Powerful and intoxicating as he pulls my face closer to his.

 

"Holy shit you taste so damn good..Bertholdt please..open your mouth.." Reiner's voice is unusually husky and smooth.

 

Having no other choice, I comply and open my mouth. Reiner's tongue action is very different from his kissing. His tongue is strong and powerful as he ruthlessly takes over my mouth. I feel embarrassed when I realize that Reiner is more experienced than I am. I never had the joy of kissing anyone despite my awkward attempt at kissing Annie on the cheek once. Reiner's tongue is taking my nearly my entire mouth as he gently licks my teeth.

 

"R-Re!!! Uggh! I can't breathe!" I roughly push Reiner's shoulders off me so I can gasp for air.

 

Reiner doesn't even look angry or impatient. He just stares unblinking as my pants echo throughout the room. I'm so embarrassed I wish I could just run away and bury myself in a ditch.

 

"God damn..."

"I'm sorry, Reiner. I used to have asthma you know and-"

"Bertholdt do you have any idea how sexy you are?"

"What?!" His brash words have me taken aback and I turn bright red.

"Holy shit..I'm the luckiest man alive.."

"Reiner, stop flattering me. I'm not that great looking.." I nervously laugh.

 

Without any effort, Reiner rips my shirt off me and presses his hand on my chest. "You have a fucking six pack and a nice broad chest. You have just enough chest hair to please the girls without looking like an ape. Your hair is sleek and shiny and I melt when your sweet hazel chocolate brown eyes change color. Your voice is so sweet and husky. Damn it, Bertholdt, don't give me that shit. I've been attracted to you for-"

 

Too overwhelmed by Reiner's obnoxious compliments, I grin wickedly and kiss him with glee. "You really think I'm that good looking?" I whisper innocently despite my smirking.

 

Reiner laughs. "All the time, babe." He takes off his shirt as well and I appreciate how sexy Reiner is.

 

Reiner. My Reiner. My boyfriend. I have a sexy boyfriend named Reiner and he's all mine.

  
"Reiner, you're quite attractive yourself. You always had people flirting with you left and right for as long as I can remember. You were voted homecoming king this year. You're captain of the football team. And you are quite chiseled." I giggle while I poke his muscles and kiss his soft blond hair.

 

"Bertholdt you fucking tease.." Reiner pushes me onto my back before we begin making out again. This time, we don't stop until we fall asleep embracing each other.

 

A perfect way to end the Friday right before Christmas as the snow begins to fall outside of my window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what I'm doing. I never do which is kind of terrible haha


End file.
